Eddward Vincent
by AriRunner9523
Summary: Edd's just been kicked out of private school, has started public school and wants to make friends. And what better way to make friends than to sell them prescription drugs for all their little quirks? He lives with his rich mother and sees a cross-dressing psychiatrist, and also falls in love with the principal's son, Kevin. KevEdd. M for drug use, language, and yaoi. Try it out!
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I'm not too sure about this story, but if you guys like it, review for more!

Edd's just been kicked out of private school, has started public school and wants to make friends. And what better way to make friends than to sell them prescription drugs for all their little quirks? He lives with his rich mother and sees a cross-dressing psychiatrist who prescribes him what he needs, even if he doesn't know it. And as if business wasn't dangerous enough, he's working with the school bully, Plank. Kevin is the principal's son and falls for Edd, but the principal is none too happy that his son is making cow eyes at another boy. Drinking himself into a stupor and getting Edd arrested is just the start! KevEdd. Some Nave here and there. Based on the movie Charlie Bartlett so it's a bit OOC. M for language, alcohol & drug use, attempted suicide, and yaoi. (Btw if you haven't seen Charlie Bartlett and would like to, I suggest you watch the movie first as to not risk spoilers and if you have seen it, don't kill me for basically copying it but I just had to I love this movie so much and my brain began thinking of Charlie as Edd!)

Chapter 1

What's more important than being well-liked? Well, to seventeen-year-old Eddward Vincent, nothing.

Edd was what some might call nerdy. He had curly black hair stuffed in a black and white beanie, blue eyes adorning a baby face, and a slim, weak frame. He wasn't all that weak, however. He could handle himself just fine. Being bullied really helps one build a tolerance for pain, after all.

Edd buttoned the jacket on his prep school uniform, lost in his thoughts as he looked about his room. His things were packed, and any minute now, his mom would arrive to take him away from yet another school.

He stood on his bed, arms spread, telling the world who he is. In his head, he's a well-known motivational speaker. Outside, he's kind of a loser who exists to help anyone who needs something from him. He liked to think his fantasies were a lot nicer than real life.

"My name is Eddward Vincent!" he said to no one in particular.

In his head, a crowd of thousands chanted his name. Really, it was just someone at the door trying to get his attention.

"Your mother's here," he said.

* * *

><p>Miranda Vincent sat across from the principal, twiddling her thumbs anxiously. She knew exactly why she was here. She was no stranger to her son's hijinks, yet she always found herself nervous in this situation.<p>

"I assume you can guess why you're hear Mrs. Vincent," the headmaster finally said.

The middle-aged woman smoothed back a strand of inky black hair from her eyes. "What has Edd done?"

"Perhaps this will tell you," the stout man said, tossing an item onto the table.

She picked it up. "A driver's license? I'm afraid I don't see the problem."

The headmaster quirked an eyebrow, reaching under his desk and picking up a box, emptying its contents onto the table. "Your son has been mass-producing these fake driver's licenses and selling them to the students."

Blue eyes squinting at the cards, she smirked. "They're pretty authentic, wouldn't you agree?"

The unamused look didn't leave his face, and Miranda ruled out humor as a way to disseminate the tension.

She cleared her throat. "So, what's the verdict?"

"I'm afraid I've no choice but to expel your son," he said.

Miranda sighed, and pulled out her checkbook. "Sir, I don't see how this is grounds for expulsion. You must understand my son seems to be going through a rough patch. It's a phase, I assure you. Now, how much will it take for you to decide to look the other way this once?"

"Mrs. Vincent, please leave my office."

* * *

><p>Miranda and Eddward sat in the backseat of their limousine. Things were pretty tense, as they usually are when your son gets expelled. Believe it or not, this wouldn't be the first time they'd been in such a situation. Or a second. Not even a third. This happens to Eddward quite a lot with many private schools.<p>

"Why?" Miranda asked.

Edd raised an eyebrow at her. "Pardon?"

"Why were you mass-producing fake licenses?" she elaborated.

"Everyone wanted to be my friend," Edd explained, a small smile on his face. "I was finally becoming popular."

She rested a hand on her forehead. "Honey, there's more to school than just being popular."

"Like?"

She shook her head. "You know what, I can't think of anything right now, but I'll get back to you later."

Edd chuckled. "So what now?"

"Now... We try public school."

"Okay, I suppose that's doable. I just have one request."

"Which is?"

"You let me take the bus to school."

"Why, dear?"

"I don't think anyone else is going to show up with a chauffeur."

"You're probably right. Just please, don't get into trouble. Mommy's tired of trying to bribe school officials."

"Yes Mother. No problem."

"At least you'll be able to live at home with me now. I even kept your room exactly the way you left it."

"Have you been feeding my insect collection, then?"

Miranda blinked. "Oh dear."

-  
>The pair sat at the piano, Miranda drinking a Martini and Edd playing Those Were The Days. He stopped and glanced at his mother.<p>

"Did you take your medicine today, Mother?" Edd asked, teasingly playing the Jeopardy theme.

She chuckled. "No I haven't." She looked around. "They're probably in my purse...which is right..."

Edd grabbed it from beside the bench. "Here?"

"Yes, thank you, darling," she said, taking it and locating the bottle. "Where would I be without you?"

Edd started playing again, and sang, "_And we knew who we were then..._"

Miranda sang the next part, "_Girls were girls and men were men_."

"_Mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again_," the two sang in unison.

"_Those were the days_," Miranda sang as Edd finished with a rousing piano solo.

The two smiled at each other.

"It's wonderful to have you back, Eddward," she said.

"Thank you Mother," Edd said happily. "I missed you too."

* * *

><p>Peter Barr was a pretty unhappy man. He didn't like his job, his son hated him, and he'd yet to find an alcohol potent enough to make him forget it.<p>

Pulling his car into the garage, he had a look on his face that told you he'd had a bad day. Because he had. He entered the house, a grocery bag in hand, to be greeted by obnoxiously loud punk rock music coming from upstairs. Even with the floors and walls serperating them, he could feel the bass of the music shake the house.

"_Are you kidding me?_" he shouted. "_Kevin Anderson Barr!_"

He groaned. It was no use. His son was entirely in his own world. Hurrying up the stairs, he knocked on the bedroom door.

"Sup!" came a muffled response.

"Can I come in?" Peter asked.

"Yeah Dad whatever."

He stepped into the room, listening as Kevin looked up from his phone and turned the music off.

"Hold on, the principal is here," Kevin spoke into the phone, then turned to his dad. "What do you need, Pops?"

"Why do you call me the principal when you're talking to your friends?" Peter asked.

"Pretending to hate you makes me cool, duh. What do you want?"

"Oh, I don't know. A better job? To come home to peace and quiet as opposed to your onslaught of adult-hating music? For my son to welcome me home after a long day?"

"I love you dad," Kevin said sweetly, albeit with a bit of sarcasm. Peter would take what he could get.

"Brought the candy you wanted," Peter said, tossing him a box of Junior Mints.

"Oh hell yeah! Thanks Dad."

"You're welcome. I'll be in my office."

That was all he could manage before he came face-to-face with the door. He sighed, and headed toward the stairs.

* * *

><p>Glasses perched upon his nose, he sat down at his desk in his office. It was just a spare room in the house that really had no other use, so why not work from there? He pressed the button on his answering machine, not really wanting to hear the world chew him out, but knowing he had to deal with it eventually.<p>

The first, from Superintendent Phillip Haas, said, "Hello, Peter. About the announcement to install security cameras in the school? I feel I should be there when you announce it to the students. Y'know, so they take it seriously."

At that, Peter rolled his eyes and began to pour himself a drink.

The machine continued with a message from his ex-wife, Carol, who as usual, sounded as if she'd rather be doing anything else rather than talking to him. "Peter, it's me. I'm calling because I'm concerned about our son. He hasn't been returning my calls. Do you even care that our son has a poor relationship with his own mother, you insensitive son-of-a-"

A beep cut her off, but he knew full well what she'd said. He downed the entire glass, and went out onto the deck to fly his beloved R/C airplane.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: It's been awhile. I lied when I said updates would come more often when school started back up. I didn't imagine junior year would be such a hassle but I gotta tell you it sucks cow nipple. I've been so overworked and exhausted, but it feels so nice to just sit back and type for you guys. *sighs contentedly*

Surprisingly, this story got better reviews than I thought it would. Even I'm not too big on OOC-ness myself. But hey, you guys enjoyed it, and one of you incorrigible bastards even watched the movie (HIGH FIVE YOU GO GLEN COCO). I actually found a copy of the script online, which makes my research process (*cough* plagiarism *cough cough*) much easier. So without further ado, here's chapter two...hehe rhyme :3

Chapter 2

Edd stood at the bus stop in his private school uniform. In one hand hung his black attache case, in the other he held a croissant from his breakfast. Used to a life of private school, nothing about his appearance seemed out of the ordinary. He was dressed for success and prepared to make his mark on the school.

And then the bus pulled up.

The door opened and the bus driver raised an eyebrow. "I think you have the wrong bus."

"Peach Creek High School?" Edd asked.

The driver shrugged. "Alright."

Edd had never encountered public school students before. He never imagined them to be so unwelcoming. The stare he was getting from a red-haired boy was a bit unsettling. Two kids were playing some odd game with their hands that he'd never seen before. One girl glanced up at him, then looked toward the window. She seemed the most peaceful inhabitant, though, so he tapped her on the shoulder.

"May I sit?" Edd asked, flashing a bright, gap-toothed smile.

The girl gave him a once-over. "It's a free country."

Her short hair was a vibrant blue, eyes brown like the freckles on her face. She had piercings on her lip, eyebrow, and, of course, ears, as well as small bars in her cartilage that puzzled Edd. She wore a black tank top covered by a dark green trench coat, black skinny jeans, and high top Converse.

Edd introduced himself. "My name is Eddward. You can call me Edd."

"Edd," she clarified. "I'm Marie."

"Nice to meet you Marie," he said, extending his hand.

She cocked an eyebrow, and reached up to shake his hand. "Yeah, uh, same to you. What's up with your outfit there? You look like a teacher."

Edd looked down at his attire. "This was my private school uniform. I just like to wear it."

"And that purse?" she asked, smirking sideways at him.

"It's an attache case."

"Right. You got guts. Usually people are too scared to come near me."

"I've learned not to judge anyone based on outward appearance."

Her smirk turned into a grin. "You're a good dude, Edd."

"Thank you Marie."

* * *

><p>The student body was made up of teens of all walks of life. From goths, to skaters, to cheerleaders; this school had it all. And then there was Edd: walking across the courtyard in his uniform without a care in the world. People stared, and Edd, ever the optimist, just took that as a compliment.<p>

Walking down the hall, he was a bit disoriented. He was having trouble finding his locker and was a bit concerned with missing his first class. He finally located it though, and started inputting his combination.

Kevin saw a well-dressed figure out of the corner of his eye, and glanced over to see a guy in a suit opening a locker. How weird. He leaned against the door of his locker, the weight on it making the door slam against the others. Edd jumped.

"They didn't give you a locker in the teacher's lounge?" he joked.

Edd didn't catch the joke. "Oh, I'm not a teacher."

Kevin chuckled. "You sure look like a teacher."

He closed his locker, then approached the school production sign-up sheet, announcing, "Alright everybody last chance to sign up for this bull of shit! Auditions are today at four, everyone's welcome. I mean, if I can do it you can right?"

"Friendly reminder that we're doing Henry V this year," a tall, dark-violet haired teen threw in.

"And that's Shakespeare so it's pretty much expected that you read for a role of the opposite sex," Kevin added.

Two teens passed, and as Kevin's companion was about to say something else, he was shoved into the bulletin board by a slightly shorter teal-haired guy with small gold hoops in his ears. Papers scattered; Kevin reached out to catch some and to stop the board from falling as Rave righted himself and shot the instigator a death glare.

"Watch it, Clarissa," the bully said, smirking as he just kept walking.

"It's Rave," the taller snarled.

"Hey Nat why don't you just leave him alone," Kevin suggested.

The one in question, whom Kevin had identified as Nat, didn't turn. He just stalked after the larger one, disappearing into the bathroom.

Edd, who'd watched the whole affair but wasn't inclined to get involved, finally came forward and put his name on the list. Kevin eyed him, a grin spreading onto his face.

"Cute in a suit and an actor," Kevin teased. "Who would've thought."

Edd raised an eyebrow, his face tinting pink at the compliment. "Y-yes well. What was that spectacle all about?"

"Just Nathan Goldberg being a fucking asshole," the one called Rave answered for him. "I'm James Medina (I didn't use Bartlett like I usually do but that's because the movies protagonist is, obviously, Charlie Bartlett) by the way. But, uh, for all intents and purposes, call me Rave, got it? See you at four and try not to suck..." He peered at the sign-up sheet. "...Eddward."

Kevin laughed as Rave walked off, then looked down at Edd who had opened his mouth with the intent to speak.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but what are you-"

"-doing heading a school play?" Kevin interrupted.

Edd nodded.

"I know, I don't look like someone who'd be a drama geek, and believe me I'm not." Edd scanned his muscular torso, eyes shooting up to his dashing smile and smooth red hair. He certainly doesn't appear drama-geek-like. "My dad just thinks it would look good on college apps and, well, I actually do like acting. Singing, too, if you'll believe that."

Edd smiled. "Looks can be deceiving."

"They certainly can. See you at four, professor."

* * *

><p>Edd went into the bathroom after his first class, walking over and setting his attache case down on the sink. He glanced to his left, spotting the two boys from earlier, recognizing one as Nathan Goldberg. He was holding a small bag of pills. The other, very tall and mean-looking with a blond mohawk combed forward so the strands hung in his face, leaned disinterestedly against a bathroom stall smoking a cigarette. When the pair noticed the nerd, they quickly rid themselves of their contraband.<p>

"Hi I'm Edd," he greeted them.

The two were flabbergasted. Never had someone been so bold as to address them with such confidence. They slowly approached the boy. The taller glimpsed the black object before Edd.

"Is that a briefcase?" he asked, eyebrow cocked.

Edd glanced down at it before looking back at the guy. "Actually, I believe it's an attache case."

Nat joined in. "What's that thing on your jacket mean?"

The nerd blinked then looked down. "Oh this! 'Cor Ad Cor Loquitur.' It's in Latin. I believe the translation is 'Heart Speaks To Heart.'

The giant blew out a puff of smoke. "Is he a fag or what?" Nat, next to him, was laughing. He elbowed the teal head. "Shut up."

Edd looked back and forth between the two. "Is that a rhetorical question?"

The two just stared him down.

Edd turned to pick up his attache case. "Guess not."

Before he knew what was happening, Edd was being dragged by the back of his jacket into the first stall.

"Fuck him up Plank!" Nat cheered.

Luckily, Edd was able to get a gulp of air before his face became well-acquainted with the vile toilet water. The situation invaded his senses, and he had to hold back the urge to obey his natural instinct of breathing. He tried to relax, but his fight-response had kicked in. He tried to push back and free himself, but the hands holding him down were too strong.

"Guess what?" the one called Plank hissed in his ear. "I think you like that, you little bitch."

"How do you like that, you little bitch!" Nat echoed.

Edd shook his head, still struggling, until his liberator came.

The door opened, and he heard a voice say, "No smokes. Cigarettes out."

Plank released his hold, and Edd sprang up, oxygen gracing his lungs as he coughed and sputtered.

Peter Barr, as I mentioned, didn't like his job. This was just another part he dreaded: whether or not to mention the threat of bullying to the school board. That meant a lot of paperwork and lecturing that didn't really make any sort of dent in the minds of the student body. Therefore, he always tried to solve the matter himself.

He glanced down at Edd then up at Plank. "What have we here?"

"Nothing," Plank said smoothly. "We're just messing around."

He didn't believe that for a second, but decided not to press the matter. "Hmm. Mr. Grove, Mr..." He glanced at the teal head. "...You. Get to class. Now. Let's go."

The two left the bathroom, Plank uttering "Later homo" under his breath. Peter looked down at the soaked boy.

"You okay?" he asked.

Edd sighed. "Yeah."


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: It's time for me to release my drama nerd side once again! Love me, goddamnit! Besides I can't do this at school. We don't have a drama department. *sob sob*

Daliah's monologue: Benedick's monologue from Act II Scene iii (I think?) in Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare (Gotta be in theme right?)

Edd's monologue: Juniper's monologue from Tomorrow's Wish (I'm using the monologue in its entirety. Skip it if you want, but this monologue is very humorous)

*Note: In the movie, they don't let Charlie finish his monologue, but I'm letting Edd finish his monologue because, in my opinion, the ending is the funniest part.

* * *

><p>Chapter 3<p>

Lunch. Formerly delicious gourmet cuisine, now a culinary farce. Edd didn't complain though. He never did.

Something else he noticed was that there really aren't any differences between teenagers; a public or private school setting didn't make a difference.

"I'm so sick of my parents," a cheerleader cried to her group of friends. "Like honestly, I'm seventeen. I don't see what the big deal is. It's just a hole. Why does my mom care how many times I get my ears pierced. The squad doesn't care."

"Nazz, I think you should get your na-na pierced," her football player boyfriend joked.

She pushed against his chest. "Ew, that's gross you 'tard!"

Edd had been looking for a place to sit, but in hindsight, this table hadn't been the best idea. He sat down, attracting the stares of the school's popular clique. If looks could kill. As usual, the nerd didn't catch on to the hints.

"Hi, I'm Eddward," he said. "Call me Edd."

The group exchanged looks, then collected their things and vacated the table as if Edd were Typhoid Mary.

Dejected, Edd drummed his fingers on the tray. Luckily, a knight in blue hair came to his rescue. She passed by, noticing him, and decided to sit down across from him.

"Hello Marie," Edd said, delighted that she'd joined him.

"Hello yourself," Marie said indifferently, mouth full of pasta. "I'm just sitting here because I felt sorry for you."

Edd merely grinned.

* * *

><p>"<em>...Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day! She's a fair lady; I do spy some marks of love in her...<em>And scene!"

Rave and Kevin, seated near the back, gave some light applause.

"Thank you Daliah," Rave said, voice monotone with slight boredom. "That was stunning."

The girl giggled, and quickly exited stage left.

"Eddward Vincent!" Rave called out, recalling the well-dressed boy from this morning. "Well this will be interesting."

Kevin fidgeted and tried to conceal his grin. He'd been looking forward to this audition in particular.

Edd walked into center stage, setting down his attache case and straightening his jacket.

"So which one of Shakespeare's works will you be performing for us?" Kevin asked with a straight face, trying to maintain his unbiased-judge-facade.

"Actually I thought I'd perform Juniper's monologue from the play _Tomorrow's Wish_," Edd informed them.

Rave and Kevin exchanged a look before returning their gazes to Edd, urging him to begin.

Edd cleared his throat, and began to speak in falsetto. "_I kissed a boy once._" Rave raised an eyebrow. Kevin raised both. "A_t least I tried. I don't know if it counts if they don't kiss back._" Kevin snickered, and was elbowed, but he continued to smile. "_But I tried to kiss a boy and it almost worked._

"_Most of the time, Grandma and I don't get to see folks much, but we go into town. Sometimes. And Grandma says I have to be careful to mind my manners. And Grandma says I'm real good at being careful, but sometimes I get so bored in that little town. Only one video store. Only two churches. And the park only has two swings and a pool that never gets filled up anymore._

"_But in our little town there is a boy named Samuel. He's a bag-boy at the grocery store. He does it just right and never squishes the eggs. And he has red hair and green eyes and *laughs* freckles! All over his face!_" Kevin's mouth fell open, and Rave glanced sideways at him. Both of them knew a certain someone with that appearance, and he was sitting there with his mouth hanging open as Edd smiled teasingly. He did it on purpose.

"_And Samuel is so nice. So nice to me and Gram. He would always smile and say 'thank you' and 'you're welcome.' If he says 'Have a nice day' then you do. That's how good he is at his job._

"_And I always wanted... I always wanted to be close to him, or to talk to him, without Gram around. And one day when Grandma had a really bad cold, I got to go to the store all by myself. And I bought some oyster crackers and some medicine. Then I got to watch Samuel all by myself. Watch him do his bag-boy job. I just stared and stared, trying to count all of those handsome freckles._

"_Then he asked if there was anything else I wanted. I just whispered "yes" and then I grabbed him by the ears and mmmmmmm!_" Edd grabbed the air and reenacted the kissing. Kevin laughed, and by this time even normally unimpressed Rave was grinning subtly. "_That was my first kiss. It was the most romantic moment of my life. Until the manager pulled me off of him."_

Kevin fell out of his seat laughing, and Rave, trying to keep himself from laughing as well, merely said, "Great."

Kevin climbed back into his seat, and said, "Thank you Edd," between laughs.

* * *

><p>Edd was a bit concerned that his audition wasn't good enough. They didn't clap for him like they did Daliah. They just sent him on his way. He hoped he hadn't disappointed Kevin.<p>

"Look at me, worrying about the opinion of a cute boy I only just met," Edd muttered to himself. "I've turned into Cinderella it seems."

He'd have continued his grumbling, if not for a large fist curling into the collar of his jacket and shoving him back into the nearest wall. He hissed in pain as he was shoved harshly against it, cringing at the vile, nicotine breath entering his personal space.

"I'm gonna fuck you up!" Plank growled. He turned to Nat, who was holding a video camera. "You getting this?"

"Yeah I'm getting it," responded a grinning Nat.

Like a ton of bricks, Plank's fist collided with Edd's face, and he fell sideways onto the concrete floor of the staircase.

"Fuck him up, Plank," Nat encouraged.

"How does that feel!" Plank screamed in Edd's face, pulling his torso off the ground by the lapels of his jacket. "I don't care! You know why? Because that was a rhetorical question!"

He landed another punch, sending Edd right back down.

"Hey Edd!" Nat jeered. "What's Latin for 'I'm a total pussy!'"

Plank stood up, stepping over the injured nerd. "Let's get out of here."

Once alone, Edd groaned and clutched his arm. He'd fallen on it when punched. Reminding himself of the punch, his hand shot up to his pounding skull. Public school was going to be more challenging than he thought.

* * *

><p>Miranda came downstairs, hearing someone rummaging through the freezer. She stood at the doorway, recognizing her son's khakis.<p>

"Edd?" she called to him. "How did it go?"

"Marvelous," he said pleasantly.

She wrung her hands in anticipation. "Did you make any friends?"

He closed the freezer, and she flinched. Edd was sporting a black eye.

"Okay, you can forget about school tomorrow," she decided. "I'm calling Dr. Oliver."

In response, Edd just pressed the icepack he'd produced to his aching eye.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Sooooo I thought it would be boring to have my character Dr. Oliver be just a normal psychiatrist. Therefore, for the benefit of me and you, the readers, I have a special surprise ;)

So my main update days will likely be Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. Only every other Monday, though, and Fridays will be if I have time. There will probably be other exceptions too, but these are the days you should expect.

Anyway, my back hurts and my shirt and hands have evidence of sculpture class so here's a chapter. Hardly relevant but eh.

Chapter 4

Heels click-clacked the floor, making Edd turn in his chair. Dr. Oliver entered the room, wavy mahogany locks flowing, lipstick cherry red, a female trapped in a male's body. You heard right: Dr. Oliver is a cross-dresser. He pulled it off very well though, wearing a cherry red blouse, a black pencil skirt, and black heels. He was completely devoid of hair; he often bragged that he was lucky to be as hairless as the day he was born. However, this also meant he couldn't grow hair on his head. Not that it mattered; he preferred wigs.

"Eddward, darling, it's been so long," he greeted cheerfully.

Edd smiled. "It's good to see you, Dr. Oliver."

And it really was. Dr. Oliver was one of Edd's favorite people. He always knew how to make him feel better.

"Shall we get down to business, then?" Dr. Oliver asked as he took a seat in the armchair next to the lounge chair, patting said seat.

Edd nodded, and laid down. "For two-hundred an hour, I'd say that's a good idea."

Edd heard the shuffle of legs crossing against the chair and a notebook being opened. "Now," the doctor began as he uncapped his pen, "your mom tells me that you've been getting into scrapes with the other boys."

The nerd, black eye still prominent, crossed his arms behind his head. "That's the best euphemism for being brutally injured I have ever heard."

Red lips widened into a smirk. "I know this is rhetorical to you, but why do you suppose you're being picked on?"

Edd sighed. "I suppose that is due to the fact that I'm...abnormal?"

"Being abnormal isn't a bad thing, you know."

"I'm aware, doctor. As aware as you are, in fact, although you may just be slightly more aware of it than I am."

Dr. Oliver chuckled. "Alright, alright, let's get serious, kiddo. So, you don't feel normal?"

"My family has a psychiatrist on call. How normal can that be?"

"How are your classes?"

"They're alright. I mean, I have trouble concentrating sometimes."

"On a scale of one to Tom Cruise in a thong, how much trouble do you have with your concentration?"

Edd grinned. "Doc!"

The doctor laughed. "Just ribbing you. What is it you think about in your adolescent daydreams, hmm?"

"Well, I have one fantasy in particular."

"Is it sexual?"

Edd sat up. "No, not really. It's just this fantasy of me stepping out on stage and there are all of these people out in the audience chanting my name, like I'm an important figure. And so, I step up to the microphone and I say, 'How are all of you tonight?'" He jumped onto the lounge chair for emphasis. "And then they start cheering and cheering. 'It's great to see all of you. My name is Eddward Vincent. And if there's one thing I want you to walk away with tonight, it's that the sky is the limit. So, for those of you with troubles, for those of you feeling scared, or confused or angry, remember, you are not alone.' And then they go nuts again."

Dr. Oliver couldn't help but smile as he took notes. Edd reminded him of himself when he was younger: so confident, eager to help those who couldn't help themselves. He couldn't even help himself, so he devoted his life to helping teenagers so they wouldn't grow up to hate themselves. Dr. Oliver couldn't complain anymore, though, because he was utterly fabulous.

"Here's the dreaded question," he warned. "You know I have to ask it. How are you feeling about your father these days?"

Edd's face fell and he sat back down.

When he got no answer, the doctor pressed. "Are you angry that he's gone?"

"Gas prices," Edd mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"I also worry about gas prices while in class."

Dr. Oliver tilted his head, then etched down his prescription. "Sweetie, I'm going to put you down for Ritalin. You'll start on the low dose, and if after a few days you feel no side effects, we'll try a higher dose. How's that sound, hon?"

Edd's eyebrows knit together. "Do I have ADD?"

"We'll see, won't we?"

"So if I take the medicine and it helps with my focus, we'll know I have ADD?"

"That's the idea, sweetie."

* * *

><p>Later that day, Edd decided it was time for a new approach. He was going to tackle public school head on.<p>

Swiping a kitchen knife, he set to work cutting the insignia, one of the last remains of his private school life, off of his jacket and out of his life. This was the dawn of a new Edd, he was sure of it.

The next day he came to school in blue jeans and a black t-shirt, but kept his jacket on. It was a part of him, after all. And he looked quite dapper in it, he figured.

People still stared. He was still new, after all.

"Welcome back professor."

He glanced at a grinning Kevin, who passed him looking handsome as always, and the distraction caused him not to notice an oncoming Plank until a rock hard bicep collided with his shoulder and made him stumble back.

"Fuck you," the great wall grumbled.

"Yeah, fuck you!" Nat echoed, as usual.

Edd knew things weren't going to change just because he changed his attire. It was only a matter of time, though, before he stumbled across his destiny.

Edd grinned to himself. "Rome wasn't built in a day."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: I don't know how you guys are feeling about Kevin's dad so far, but I hope this chapter clues you in to just how sad of a guy he is.

*sniffles* Nathan may be mean and psycho sometimes in the movie but it's only because he's so sad inside. *bawls dramatically*

Alright alright enough of that. Little more KevEdd in this chapter. It's a bit slow-moving I know. And for you Nave lovers (*cough* Fomalhaut *cough*) expect their part in this story to start up in...eight or nine I'd say. Probably eight. Yeah, hate me. I'm going slow as fuck.

Not to worry, though, as of right now this story has twenty-three planned chapters. It may even go beyond that. Who knows? ;)

Chapter 5

"Can anyone tell me why Mercury has only one day per year?" the teacher asked.

Edd didn't particularly care. He was busy folding a note and passing it over to a certain redhead.

"Because Mercury is the only planet that doesn't rotate on its axis," said a boy in the second row.

The note traveled across three seats to its desired recipient. A blonde girl tapped Kevin on the shoulder and slid the note to him. He raised an eyebrow, wondering who the hell would be passing a note to him, and opened it.

It simply said three words: _Hi, I'm Edd_

Kevin glanced over, and spotted Edd who threw him a small wave. He smiled; how cute, he thought.

A note returned to Edd, to his delight. Like Edd's it contained three simple words: _Yeah, I know._

The two smiled at one another, then returned their attention to the front of the class.

* * *

><p>The student body filed into the auditorium. Yet another thing Peter Barr dreaded: holding assemblies. Why did he ever become principal? He asked himself this question often, and was asking himself presently as he stood next to Superintendent Phil Haas.<p>

He made his way to the podium, and tapped the mic to make sure it was on.

"Hello," he greeted. "Good morning."

Nobody returned his greeting. No one even acknowledged him.

He continued. "The word of the day is gratitude. 'Gratitude: The quality of being thankful, readiness to show appreciation for and return kindness. ' As in, if you would all sit down and shut up, I am prepared to express my gratitude. Thank you."

Begrudgingly, everyone gave in and paid attention. Kevin gave his dad a small smile, trying to give him a little reassurance.

"A lot on the agenda today. Our superintendent, Mr. Haas, is paying us a visit today. For my sake, let's be on our best behavior."

Kevin looked around, finding Edd standing against the wall. He looked adorable as always. The redhead had known for about two years that he was gay. His dad on the other hand... Let's just say, if he knew, things would somehow get worse for Peter. If that was even possible.

"First off, the student lounge will be closed Monday, while we install security cameras."

The crowd erupted into a chorus of "what" and "seriously," murmurs echoing throughout the room and feeding Peter's massive headache.

Rave's hand shot up, and Peter called on him.

"How can you do that?" Rave asked. "That's a complete invasion of privacy."

Echoes of "yeah!" rang out around him.

Peter sighed. "There's a liability issue, and I'm afraid the board has already passed the motion. Anyway, I would now like to give Mr. Haas the floor to discuss our cell phone policy."

Nat stood up. "But the student lounge is the only place we can hang out without teachers around. Are there cameras in the teachers' lounge?"

The crowd again muttered its agreement.

Peter hated his job. Really. "Hang out? Okay, we've already moved on to the cell phone policy. There will be ample opportunity to discuss that later, but right now-"

No one noticed as Edd slipped out of the room.

Plank stood up, and interrupted Peter, "This is total and absolute bullshit!"

The crowd cheered.

"You know, you kids really need to find appropriate ways to express your ingratitude." Peter gestured toward the other man. "Mr. Haas?"

The older man made his way to the podium, but just as he was about to speak, the fire alarm spoke for him.

The crowd broke out into a riot as everyone raced to be out of there.

The only one to notice that Edd was gone was Kevin.

Peter tried to calm the fray. "Come on, guys, it's nothing. It's just a fire drill. Proceed outside in an orderly fashion. Let's not have a stampede."

"They don't have much respect for you, do they?" Phillip pointed out.

Peter grimaced. "In case you haven't noticed, they're not too fond of you, either."

"I said respect, Peter, not affection. We're not trying to win a popularity contest."

Kevin, who hadn't moved, watched his father get pushed around by the older man. He thought his dad needed to grow a backbone. As Phillip left, Peter noticed his son bearing witness to the exchange. The father and son gave each other knowing looks, and Kevin got up and left. Peter caught the look his son gave him though, the look of complete disappointment.

Never had Peter felt so hurt at the brunt of someone's disappointment. Not even when his wife left him. Not even when both Kevin and his ex-wife witnessed him put a gun to his head. Not even himself when he missed and shot the wall instead.

Because he knew this disappointment would never fade as long as he lived the way he was living.

Author's Note Part Deux: *author sobs pitifully in corner forever*


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: We had a bit of sad background for Peter. Now let's throw in a bit with Miranda, yeah?

This is the "Ritalin Montage" The chapter I've been sooo looking forward to. Some parts are written frantically and sloppily. I did it on purpose to show Edd's mood on the drug. That's why things are repeated and hurried.

Chapter 6

There was nothing Miranda Vincent enjoyed more on a sunny afternoon than pummeling their poor butler at tennis. She stretched out, and prepared herself to give him yet another good whooping.

To be fair, though, he let her win much of the time.

He was forced to duck with each ace-in-the-hole she fired at him. It was days like this when he wished for a bigger paycheck.

For a woman in her early forties, though, Miranda was fit and healthy. This was evident in her sprightly victory dance. It made her happy. She was fond of doing anything to keep herself happy. Or rather, distracted. Distracted from what her life really was: the life of a single mom whose husband is in jail. Yeah, that life.

Maybe another round of tennis?

* * *

><p>Edd sat down at the piano, and eyed the small white paper bag sitting atop it. He noticed a yellow sticky note on it containing his mother's neat script:<p>

_Ritalin in the bag, dinner in the oven. Love, Mother._

He grabbed the bag and reached inside, pulling out the pill bottle. And so began the routine.

* * *

><p><em>~Day One~<em>

Edd didn't really notice a change. Maybe the Ritalin wasn't doing anything. He was sitting at the kitchen table opposite of Miranda, food and textbooks all around him.

"I'm really looking forward to us having the weekend alone," she said pleasantly. "I thought maybe we could go to a wine tasting. We haven't done that since you were a kid."

"Maybe," Edd muttered, hands frantically flying across the paper he was currently writing on.

She blinked but her face stayed lit. "Maybe?"

Edd's food remained untouched, the textbooks taking up all of his attention.

This didn't go unnoticed by Miranda.

"You haven't touched your food..." she pointed out.

"I'm not hungry, Mom," he said quickly. "I'm studying the osmosis of water through the epidermis."

He was trembling. And his leg was shaking incessantly.

Miranda was beginning to lose patience. "Now, I cooked a perfectly edible meal, Eddward Vincent. I'm feeling a little under-appreciated at the moment."

His heels were tapping._ Taptaptaptaptap._

"And I think it's very important that you try to at least eat your greens."

Rapid scratching of the pen. _Scratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratch._

"Dear, didn't Dr. Oliver say something yesterday about fluid?"

Both feet. _Taptaptaptaptaptap._

"What did he say about... Are you listening to me?"

No. He wasn't.

* * *

><p>Edd ended up in the empty indoor pool. He laid on his back, still puzzled because he didn't feel any different. The Ritalin isn't affecting him at all. Nope, not at all. Not in the least. Nope. Not at all.<p>

"Hello!" he shouted up to the ceiling. "Can anybody up there hear me?"

Somehow, he then ended up at the piano playing songs at tempos entirely too fast. He couldn't stop his hands. He was sweating. He had so much energy. So much. So much.

The Ritalin isn't affecting him. Nope. Not at all.

* * *

><p><em>~Day 2~<em>

So much energy. Edd had never run so much in his life. He couldn't stop. He ran back and forth across the empty pool. He had so much energy. Run. Run. Run. Run. Don't stop running. Circles. Around the drain. Running in circles.

The piano playing became faster. Even more frantic.

He laughed. The Ritalin still isn't affecting him. Nope. Not in the least.

* * *

><p><em>~Day 3~<em>

"...10,432, 10,433, 10,434..."

Edd found himself in the yard counting all the ants in the anthill.

"Drat, where was I?"

He also found himself having to start over. Often.

He found a ball. He can't remember where. He liked the sound of it bouncing against the empty pool wall. It echoed. Echo, echo, echo. And it came back. Every time. And he did it again. Wow.

* * *

><p><em>~Day 4~<em>

He doubled the dosage. Maybe that's what he needs. Maybe a higher dose will make the medicine work.

Edd's eyes were bloodshot as he stared unwaveringly at the clock. The thing that hung beneath it flicked back and forth with each passing second. What was that called again? Edd couldn't bring himself to remember. He was so captivated with its movement. It never lost time. Like a metronome. Never lost time. Every second. Never. Never. Nevernevernever.

_Backandforthandbackandforthandbackandforthandbackandforthandbackandforthandbackandforth._

The piano playing became impossibly fast. Faster. Faster. Fasterfasterfaster.

He couldn't contain himself. He couldn't sit still. He couldn't think. He couldn't do anything except keep moving, keep finding more things to do, keep playing that damned piano.

And at the end of the forth day, everything came to a boil.

It was the middle of the night, and Edd had just burst out into the cool night air in nothing but his underwear. He was intent on getting everyone on their feet tonight.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" he screamed into the night.

Miranda shot up in bed, hearing a noise. "Eddward?"

Edd was busy frantically, loudly, dynamically bothering everyone on the block.

"Wake up, you sleepyheads, wake up!" he screamed.

People came to their windows, pointing out at the half-naked boy in the street.

"Wake up! Wake up! My name is Charlie Bartlett, and I am not alone!"

Maybe the Ritalin was doing something after all. Maybe. Maybe.

I mean, if the police are called, that must mean something. It must. It must.

* * *

><p>Miranda, dressed in a robe, sat next to the police officer who'd brought her son home. She'd made him a cup of tea, hoping that would soften him up a little bit. Edd, who was now dressed in his jacket for the sake of decency and for some reason a pair of sunglasses, sat at the piano. A place he'd ended up many times over the past few days.<p>

The two watched the boy, the officer speaking through the silence first. "Now, there's no history of drug use whatsoever, Mrs.-"

Miranda interrupted him. "It's Miranda. Please, no need to be formal here. And drug use? No, none at all."

"Well, it looks like he's coming down some," the man noticed. "I'm not an MD, but it is possible for Ritalin to get you pretty high.

"That's probably what it is," she agreed. "It is a new medication."

"It is a new medication!" Edd sang loudly, playing a hurried blues riff. "New medication! _Neeeewwwwwwww medicaaaaatiiiioooooonnnnnnn!_"

Miranda smiled, albeit forced. "Eddward, honey."

His head shot toward them, and he gave a thumbs up.

The man chuckled. "Yeah, as I was saying, a lot of the kids at the colleges are taking this stuff."

"When I was in college, we were dropping tabs of acid."

"I've never partaken in any illicit drugs myself."

The rest of their conversation fell on deaf ears as the realization struck Edd. He nudged the glasses down on his nose, and peered at the Ritalin bottle. That's it. Kids love this stuff. Kids wanna get high and have fun. And they'd love Edd for hooking them up. For giving them a good time. Making them forget their problems.

The light bulb went off in Edd's head, and thus began the dawn of a new age.

Rome was built in five days.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: I was originally planning to do a similar thing to what they did in the movie (meaning I was gonna pair Plank with Nazz like Murphy and Whitney) but then I'm like "You know what, now that I think about it, Plank would be better with Marie!" I mean, they're both tough and perpetually angry. It makes more sense, right? Should I make that happen? Let me know! Let's hear some reviews! Come oooon!

Chapter 7

Edd was ready to execute his plan. But first, he needed a partner. Someone tough, someone he needed on his side. And he knew just the person.

The next morning, he practiced his speech in front of the mirror. He was going to corner him and do the offer up mafia style. But he needed to have style, so naturally he needed to plan his offer.

"Maybe..." he began as he brushed his teeth. "Maybe you got slapped around too many times for lunch money on your way to the bus." The words were a bit garbled with a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. "Maybe your pop's got a boozing... No...

_Maybe in an east coat accent?_ "Maybe your pop...

_No, try it normal._ "Maybe your pop's gotta booze himself up every morning."

_Have fun with it. French accent._ "Maybe your father has to, how do you say, plow roads with a sense of humor. I mean, he has to booze himself up. With a sense of humor. Ha ha ha."

He smirked at his reflection. Ridiculous. It'll come to him.

* * *

><p>By this time, the bus driver wasn't shocked to see Edd in his coat carrying his attache case. He muttered a "good morning," and got on with his day.<p>

Edd made his way down the aisle, saying hello to those who acknowledged him. He sat down next to Marie, who gave him a small grin before her face returned to its default expression of disinterest.

"Hello Marie," Edd greeted.

"Yo," she muttered.

"Marie, do you feel like making fifty dollars after school today?"

She looked at Edd like he'd just asked her to marry him. "Are you fucking serious? Don't play, man, I'll fuck you up."

"I am serious. If you help me, I'll pay you."

"Fifty bucks." She chuckled. "Hell yeah I wanna make fifty bucks. You cheeky shit."

* * *

><p>Plank was walking home that afternoon on the railroad tracks, a cigarette between his lips like always. He didn't live on the clean suburban side of town, although he wished he did. He grew up being told he was shit, and grew into treating others like shit. Especially those clean-cut types like that new kid Eddward Vincent. He comes in with his fancy-ass clothes thinking he's better than everyone else. Fuck that.<p>

Plank shaved the sides of his head and wore red eyeliner. After all, if people say you're a piece of shit, may as well dress the part, right? Complete with a leather jacket, ripped jeans, and combat boots, he looked like a thug. And that's what he was. A thug. A bully. An idiotic lowlife with a superiority complex. Uh huh, he'd heard it all. Every label.

And it was on this day walking home that he'd meet his fate. But could it be a better fate?

The black limo sped to a stop where the road met the tracks, nearly running the guy over. He jumped back just in time, jaw falling when he realized that it was, in fact, a limo. And in this part of town? Nah.

A blue-haired girl he couldn't remember the name over stepped out in front of him, crossing her arms. She was dressed in a Ramones shirt, ripped jean shorts, high top Converse, and an army trench coat. And Plank couldn't help but think that she's pretty hot.

"What the hell is this?" he growled at her, still shocked that he'd nearly been hit by a car.

"Edd would like a word," she said.

"Suck my dick, bitch," he spat, turning to leave.

Nobody turns away when Marie is talking to them. There's a reason for that.

She lifted her leg to kick him in his lower back. Plank hit the ground, then rolled over to yell at Marie, when the words were punched out of him. His eyes widened; he was surprised and, dare he say it, a bit turned on as he rubbed at his now split lip.

Before he could react, Marie pulled him up by his jacket and yanked him inside the car.

"Get the hell off me!" he hissed. She was strong as hell. "_Fuck!_"

The driver, not wanting to get mixed up in this altercation, rolled up the divider to give them privacy.

"Hello, Plank, how are you?" Edd greeted pleasantly.

Plank was still busy trying to struggle out of Marie's hold. "You must have a fucking deathwish!"

"You better behave yourself or you'll get a lot worse than that little tap I gave you," Marie warned.

He glared at her, still feeling the throbbing of his aching lip, and continued to struggle against her.

Edd just watched calmly, sunglasses on his face making his expression unreadable. "You see, Plank, I think we began on the wrong foot. I want to work things out."

"I'm gonna put you in the fucking hospital!" the bully threatened, trying to lunge at Edd.

Marie fisted her fingers in his hair, and yanked him back. He hissed in pain; his hair was sensitive.

"Marie," Edd said. "Don't be so rough."

She rolled her eyes, and let him go, sitting back. She gave him a warning glare, though.

"Better not move a fucking muscle," she grumbled. "You'll regret it."

Deciding it would be against his better judgment to fight his way past her, Plank just sat up in the seat and gave his attention to the nerd.

Edd removed the glasses. "Listen, Plank, I've had a lot of time to think about what you did to me."

"Yeah? What did you come up with, genius?"

"I believe you're angry."

"What have I got to be angry about?"

Edd leaned forward. "Maybe you were slapped around one too many times for lunch money on your way to the bus. Maybe your father has to inebriate himself so he can plow roads with a sense of humor. Then when he gets home, you're just a distant third to greasy food and bad sitcoms. Maybe the cheerleaders call you names behind your back. Maybe it's because the school has you placed in remedial classes and your teachers are very good at making you feel ludicrous. Maybe it's none of these things. Maybe it's all of them."

Edd could tell that somewhere along those lines, he'd gotten through to Plank. By the way his face twitched slightly, Edd knew at least one of these things was true. He put his sunglasses back on.

After a long pause, Plank asked, "What do you want from me?"

"I want to be your friend, Plank."

The giant looked out the window briefly before returning his gaze to Edd. "Okay, maybe you're not a total tool, but guys like you and guys like me can't be friends."

"Why is that?"

He looked at him like he thought Edd was messing with him. "I take the train tracks home. You drive around in a limo."

"I suppose you're right." The nerd pulled out his prescription for Ritalin. "However, I have 90 pills of Ritalin that we could vend at the dance. Maybe we'll have to settle for being business partners."

Plank took the bottle. "What do these do?"

"They supply the inhibitory controls in the frontal lobes with norepinephrine and dopamine."

Edd received a look that said, _In English_.

"It gets you high," he simplified. Plank smirked at that, which Edd took as a signal to continue. "So, I reckon well sell them for ten dollars a pill? We split the profit, which means you earn almost 500 dollars without spending a nickel. My childhood friend taught me quite a bit about business techniques, I'll have you know." (Yes I did go there. And yes, that is an Eddy reference.)

Plank lit a cigarette, and Edd rolled down the window.

The bully considered this. "Business partners, huh?"

Marie and Edd shared a smile.

* * *

><p>"1:00, right Pops?"<p>

Kevin was lounging in the chair in front of his dad's desk. Peter was in his chair lounging in about the same fashion as the two ate Chinese takeout.

"What?" he asked, coming out of his thoughts. "What's at 1:00?"

"My curfew?" the redhead asked hopefully.

Peter glanced at his son. "Where you going?"

"Ze dance, Papa, where I shall, how you say, socialize," Kevin reminded him with an overly romanticized French accent. "I told you last week, Dad," he said normally.

Peter changed the subject. "Have you given up singing?"

"Guess not. Why?"

"I don't know, just... You've got a great voice. That's why I urged you into drama as an extracurricular. I used to love coming home to hear you singing in the other room. That's how I knew you were...happy, I guess." He glanced up to see his son ignoring him in favor of his phone, and grimaced. "Happily texting, ignoring this intimate exchange. Who's that? Who are you texting?"

Kevin looked up. "Rodney's here."

His dad waved him off, and Kevin made for the door.

"Have fun."

"I will. 2:00, yeah?"

Peter smirked. "Nice try."

"God, I liked you better when you were a history teacher," Kevin joked.

"That makes two of us..."

* * *

><p>Peach Creek High was bumping as the sound of dance music with entirely too much bass shook the walls.<p>

"See you guys in a minute," Kevin said as he and his friends came through the doors. He'd spotted Edd and wanted to see him.

"Hello Kevin," the nerd said, smiling.

The redhead smiled right back. "Hello _yourself_, Edd."

"So do you think I might possibly acquire a dance from you tonight?" Edd asked shyly.

"You're so damn cute. You just might."

Edd blushed profusely, and felt Kevin's lips graze his cheek as he turned to catch up with his friends.

Plank passed the redhead as he came out of the dance. The business partners leaned against the lockers side-by-side.

"Hello," Edd greeted. "Did you have any luck?"

"Well, it's gone," Plank said, tossing the empty pill bottle to the nerd.

He fumbled a bit, but caught the bottle, a bit shocked. "Gone?"

"All of it. Every last pill. Cleaned house."

"Gracious."

Their heads turned as the doors opened and several topless girls came running out, Marie included.

"Hey boys!" she called out as she ran past.

Plank's jaw fell open as he watched her. Edd was gay so he didn't really bat an eye.

"Hello Marie," he chuckled.

"Dear God," Plank said breathlessly.

The two looked at each other, then made their way to the gym, only to be greeted by a certifiable rave scene. Everyone was going nuts, and it was all thanks to them.

Plank, mouth still hanging open, exchanged a look with ever-calm-looking Edd. They'd created a monster, and man did it feel great.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The next day, Edd received many smiles and greetings on the way to his locker. It had worked. People liked him. But he couldn't stop there. In fact, this was just the beginning. Now he wanted to find a way to help them.

People were actually looking his way, smiling, clapping for him like he was a big thing. He passed Kevin, who grinned at him. He smiled back. Here's to better days.

Still, there's always a dark cloud with a silver lining. The cameras were installed. Peter turned on his monitor, testing the cameras.

Students gathered to bear witness to the installation. Oh, the oppression.

With the monitor now on, Peter stared into the faces of displeased students. Marie stood in front of the mob, middle finger raised. The principal frowned. That's a greeting. It's not like he wanted this. It wasn't even his idea. He was a puppet to the school board, yet he was the one who had to face the displeasure of the student body.

Everyone crowded outside the student lounge, watching as cameras were set up.

"This sucks," Kevin said.

"Seriously sucks," Rave agreed.

Peter brought up the student lounge camera, only to be greeted by the sight of Plank hopping in through the window and making vulgar gestures into the lens. There was no doubt about it; Peter was a principal without the respect of his students.

* * *

><p>Walking down the hall, Edd came across Rave sitting at a small table with a clipboard. Curious, he came up to him.<p>

"Hey Edd, mind signing this petition?" Rave asked. "It's to get the cameras out of our student lounge."

"Absolutely," Edd said, scratching his name down.

An arm came from behind him, and he saw the name "Nat Goldberg" appear under his.

Rave looked up at Nat, confused. "Uh, thanks."

The teal head smiled at him. "Anytime, Rachel."

"God_damnit_, quit with this girl name bullshit!" the actor hissed. "It. Is. _Rave._"

Nat winked, then walked off.

"Hate that guy," Rave grumbled.

Edd giggled, then walked across the hall to his locker. As he opened it, he looked up, noticing a pale, skinny guy with green hair staring at him. It made him a bit uncomfortable, so he nodded to him, hoping that he'd look away. Instead, he approached.

"You're, um, Edd Vincent, right?" he asked quietly.

"I am," Edd said.

"I'm Jim Pollock," he introduced himself.

Edd smiled and extended his hand. "Nice to meet you, Jim."

Jim looked at the hand nervously, then reached up to shake it.

The boy leaned in, hugging his arms. "Do you think there's any way we can talk in private?"

Edd looked around, then swept his hand toward the bathroom in a "follow me" motion. Jim followed him inside, and to the sink, moving slowly, as if unsure of himself. He was still hugging his arms.

"What do you wish to speak with me about?" Edd asked.

Jim looked at his feet. "Is it true that you can get a hold of medication?"

"I suppose I can. Why? What's troubling you?"

"I'm, like, totally depressed. I've been having these spells, and trouble breathing... mostly in class.

"What does it feel like?"

"It feels like a heart attack. But I'm thinking, you know, it's probably mental. And I can't go to my parents about it, because they already think I'm a freak, so I just thought that you-"

"Look," Edd interrupted, "I'm not a doctor, but... I don't believe Ritalin will help your issue."

"Do you know what would?"

"I'm not sure, but I'll do some research. I will help you, I promise."

"Yeah...Thanks."

* * *

><p>Sometimes, life has a funny way of throwing the answers right at you. Whether you choose to recognize them or not is in your hands.<p>

It seemed like an inane plan, but somehow, Edd knew he could make it work. All he had to do was figure out the type of medicine Jim needed, and somehow trick Dr. Oliver into supplying the pills. He felt a little bad deceiving one of his dear friends, but it was for a good cause. Edd was helping people. And sometimes you have to hurt someone to help someone else.

Plus, if he didn't get caught, no one would have to get hurt, right?

Several pharmacy/clinical psychology/psychiatry books later and he'd stumbled across Xanax & Zoloft, which seemed to be the best medicine for Jim's needs.

He called Dr. Oliver soon after, and the two met, Edd's plan springing into action.

"I experience shortness of breath, vertigo, nausea, blurred vision," he explained. "Sometimes it feels like I am having a heart attack."

"That would be a panic attack, honey," the cross-dresser said, scratching away at his notepad.

Edd had to fight the urge to grin knowingly. "Oh, is that what they call it? Well, what can we do?"

"Tell you what, we'll put you on a low dose of Xanax & Zoloft," the doctor said. "We'll get you out of your funk, darling."

This time he couldn't contain his grin. "I believe we shall."

* * *

><p>It didn't stop here though. As a hands-on kind of guy, Edd felt it best if he give Jim the authentic experience of a psychiatry visit.<p>

So that's how the two ended up in adjacent stalls in the boys bathroom of Peach Creek High School. The stalls give a sense of anonymity, and therein Jim felt more comfortable talking about his emotions.

"In everything that I've read, there's not one case of anyone dying during a panic attack," Edd informed him.

"Really?" Jim asked.

"Truly. Therefore, the next time you begin to feel anxious, simply tell yourself, 'I'm having a panic attack, but I'm not going to die. In fact, in 15 minutes, I'll probably feel fine.'"

Jim nodded. "What do I do until then?"

The two now stood at the sink, accompanied by Plank, who was preparing the prescriptions for the nerd who didn't look too comfortable being in his presence.

"Plank, start Jim on 50 milligrams of Zoloft and half a milligram of Xanax as needed," Edd instructed. He wrote out the bill for the pills, and gave it to Jim, telling him, "This should hopefully provide you with some relief. We shall just meet next week in this restroom at the same time, will that be acceptable?"

"Yeah," Jim smiled. "Thank you Edd."

"You are very welcome," Edd said. As he turned to leave he glanced at the bully. "Be nice, Plank."

Timidly, Jim approached Plank to receive his pills. Plank tried to look nonthreatening, but, well, when you naturally look that way it's a bit of a challenge.

So it seems Edd and Plank now have an impromptu, back alley psychiatry service. What can possibly go wrong?

* * *

><p>Of course, there's always suspicion.<p>

Miranda and Edd were eating dinner together when she began putting her son on the spot. A glass of wine in her hand, she gazed into a book balanced precariously on a stand which seemed to be about the effective habits of teenagers. Her head jerked up, as if she were suddenly reminded of something she needed to address.

"Dear, I spoke to Dr. Oliver today," she said. "He said you may have not only ADD, but a whole battery of psychological disorders that will likely plague you for life."

Edd's expression was relaxed, but inside he was a bit nervous. "That description seems slightly melodramatic, don't you think?"

"That's what I said...Of course, Dr. Oliver is nothing if not melodramatic and flamboyant." She chuckled. "Then he went on to imply that you may have inherited it from me. I was rather perturbed. I mean, look at me. I'm as fit as a fucking fiddle." (That is my favorite line from the movie tbh)

"Undoubtedly, Mother."

She smiled serenely. "Are you making any friends at all?"

"I believe I am making a breakthrough."

And all it took was running an illegal psychiatry business. Imagine that.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Review Response Time!

Missdellusion: I don't even know with you but I must say keep it up with your adorable reviews! I love them they make my day :)

nightcrawler554: *singing* Can anybody find meeeeee? Somebody to looooove! *clears throat* I mean, yeah, I never thought about it before but maybe his behavior does stem from his father being in jail. And to your newer comment, just you wait ;)

FaintWolf: Awwwe thank you so much :)

Ritalin: Yeah, Edd doesn't have ADD, which is why he kind of went crazy. That's what Ritalin does to those who don't have it. My psychology teacher told me that.

And to the rest of you, thanks so much for all the encouraging comments! It's because of you guys that I write these fics :) Love you all! Mwah!

Just a warning, there's a lot of dialogue swapping in this chapter. It gets a little confusing, but hopefully I've written it clearly enough for it to be coherent.

* * *

><p>Chapter 9<p>

"He doesn't wanna see me anymore," May sniffled. "I can't stop crying."

Edd was with an appointment. He'd had a few appointments today. In fact, there was now a sign on the bathroom door that said "Pharmacy." The same system applied, him in one stall, the appointment in the one next to it.

And his appointments had been growing in number.

Edd nodded. "Sometimes people say one thing and they really mean another, like..."

"...he called me a loser, and last night he hit my mom," Ed explained.

Edd dealt with everything from abusive parents...

"You have to understand that what he's doing isn't because of you. He hates his life so much that..."

...to stress...

"...all I wanna do is drop acid," Jimmy whined. "I just can't handle this place."

"I realize this place is awful. I just worry that one day we'll look back at high school and wish we'd done something different. So maybe you should..."

...to insecurity...

"...get breast implants," Nazz said, gesturing at her chest. "I mean, a lot of my friends are getting them."

Edd nodded. "That's entirely up to you, but speaking as someone of the male gender, it's a bit of a, hmm, 'turnoff' when a girl is insecure about her body."

This appointment really threw him a curve. Nat Goldberg came in, and looked around.

"So I just tell you my probs, yeah?" he asked, sitting on the toilet.

"That would be the system I've prearranged," Edd clarified.

"Well, what you need to know first is that I'm, like, _hella_ gay," Nat explained with a small laugh. "Like, gay up the foshizz."

Edd smirked. "Right. So what is it that you're struggling with?"

"Well, I really like Rave, but I kinda got on his bad side and he wants nothing to do with me. What should I do to get on better terms with him?"

"Firstly, you should stop referring to him with female names. He detests that. Secondly, you can never go wrong with a grand gesture. And finally, just be kind to him. You'll surely get the results you seek."

Nat smiled. "You're right. Thanks Doc!"

"That's what I am here for."

* * *

><p>And then, Edd would report his symptoms. He figured out that if he went to Dr. Oliver with all these symptoms, things would get suspicious. Therefore, he reported to many different psychiatrists under different names.<p>

"I feel very productive, and I can't sleep at all," he explained to one Dr. Jacoby. "I lose weight often, and I'm given to frivolous spending and promiscuity."

So he'd list his symptoms to various doctors like...

The man looked up at Edd briefly. "Wow. What I'd like to do is..."

...and...

"...introduce you to some of the serotonergic antidepressants, like Prozac," explained one Dr. Wilde. "What else can you tell me about..."

The range of symptoms he spewed to each was very different. For instance...

"...feelings of depersonalization and boredom."

...and...

"_Anger_ and _aggression_! _Irritability_!"

...and...

"Obsessive behavior, I believe you'd call it. For example, whenever I hear anyone say a word that starts with the letter..." He mouthed the letter "P." "I have to say five words that start with the letter 'V' and tap my head with my right hand."

One Dr. Bello raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps we should start with-"

Edd interrupted, tapping his head. "Vacuolar! Vendue! Venal! Vagabond! Venipuncture!"

Several times now had he heard the rapid scratch of pens and the ripping of prescription sheets. But now, that sound just meant popularity

* * *

><p>Rave sat with his friends Jessica and Olivia at lunch. The two were in an animated conversation about their favorite movie 'Moulin Rouge,' but Rave didn't take part. He had a book in one hand and was nibbling on a Hot Pocket with the other.<p>

At least, he _was_.

Nat Goldberg approached, holding a bouquet of about twenty red roses in his arms. Jessica pointed him out, and Rave glanced up from his book, raising an eyebrow.

"What the hell?" the actor muttered.

Nat stopped in front of him. "Okay, so we haven't been on the best terms because, you know, I'm a total asshole."

Rave set his food and book down. "True, go on."

"I just want you to know that I'm sorry, Rave, and I'm really into you and I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime."

The actor raised an eyebrow at the teal head, the latter shutting his eyes and waiting to be shot down.

"Okay."

Nat's eyes shot open. "Did you say 'okay?'"

"Yeah, sure. I mean, you're cute and you got me a shit-ton of roses. Might as well."

The purple-head stood up and accepted the bouquet, setting them down on the table. He, then, retrieved a pen and wrote his number down on Nat's hand.

"Gimme a call, alright?"

Rave sat down and finished his Hot Pocket as if nothing happened. Nat, though, grinned like an idiot as he walked to his table.

* * *

><p>Author's Note Part Deux: The romance is slowly coming. You know what they say, "Slow and steady sucks my dick." Wait...that's <em>not<em> how it goes...?

Cat's Meow fans expect an update tomorrow. I went to a party Saturday and my friend's house Sunday, so I gotta tell you I'm surprised I got anything done! I'll finish up Chapter 9 tonight and upload it tomorrow. And over on my Fictionpress, Let Me Breathe is also on its Chapter 9! Idk how the hell I got all these synced, but I LOVE IT. Easier to keep track.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: Today is the 25th, aka **MY BIRTHDAY!** I am now officially 17! Therefore, here's an early update to celebrate :) Enjoy!

I'm getting a new laptop today so be jelly! Then I see my mom tomorrow! Loving this week :)

Chapter 10

Peter often liked to make rounds and check up on the students. He was a caring guy. On this particular day, though, he noticed a long line outside the boys' bathroom. That's peculiar.

"Is there something wrong with the other bathroom?" he asked.

At the front of the line, Nat spotted Peter and his eyes went wide. He poked his head into the bathroom.

"You're in luck," Plank was saying to Ed. "We're running a special on Wellbutrin today."

"_Guys!_" Nat whisper-screamed. "_Abort! Abort! It's the fuzz!_"

Peter was about to enter the bathroom when Edd and Plank strolled out of it. And they looked pretty suspicious. At that moment, everyone scattered. The principal frowned. Something fishy was definitely going on around here.

* * *

><p>Edd couldn't get enough of his new popularity. More and more people wanted to be his friend each day. It was very surreal to him.<p>

Business was absolutely booming. Edd and Plank were sitting around in the bully's garage, and he couldn't help but point out that "bringing psychiatric drugs and teenagers together is like opening a lemonade stand in the desert."

Although Plank couldn't really hear him over the sound of Nat haphazardly pounding a makeshift drum kit made of hubcaps. He finally got so fed up with the noise that he threw a beer can at the teal-haired boy.

"Can you shut the fuck up for one second? We're working here. Shit."

"Calm your tits," Nat muttered, getting up to grab a beer.

As Plank counted their money, a video played on the small TV behind the two. Edd noticed that it was the video Nat had shot of the day Plank beat him up after auditions.

"Plank, is that my _face_ making that sound?" Edd asked.

The bully glanced over his shoulder. "Yeah. It's kind of sad, dude. You didn't even put up a fight."

Edd flinched as he watched himself take another punch. "Why did you tape this, anyway?"

Plank shrugged. "I always have my fights taped. It's what I do."

"Really?"

"Yeah, man, they're fun to watch in, like, a Greatest Rodeo Deaths kind of way."

"You don't feel remorse for the victims or anything?"

"Remorse?" He took a drag of his cigarette. "Kind of." He rubbed at his brow as Edd watched him expectantly. "Well, what do you want me to do?"

"Perhaps we should make it up to them."

"Dude, are you serious?"

Nat emphasized Plank's point with a short drum solo.

* * *

><p>With that, a new business venture started. All of the videos of Planks victims (Edd, Jim, and other unfortunate souls) were compiled into a DVD to be sold in the student lounge. Some of the proceeds would go to the nerds who starred in the videos as Plank's punching bags. It was like a kind of compensation.<p>

The videos were selling like hot cakes. Students crowded the table, shoving their money in the faces of Edd, Plank, and Nat. They were making a huge profit.

"Watch Plank Grove's fists of fury pummel your best friends!" Edd called out. "Get them while they last! Jim Pollock hit in the face! Edd Vincent punched in the eye!Instant gratification or your money back! Ladies and gentlemen, we are almost out!"

Jim made his way to the front of the line. "Edd?"

Edd paused his advertising. "Hello Jim!"

"I heard that you were giving us some of the proceeds?"

"You heard right, my friend." Edd turned to his partner. "Plank?"

"There you go," Plank said, handing Jim a ten-dollar bill. "Pleasure doing business with you."

Edd put his hands on his hips. "Plank."

The giant scowled. "Come on!"

"_Plank._"

He growled and handed Jim two more tens. "I'll see you in the sequel, bitch!"

Edd shushed him and went back to promoting. "Sequel coming out this fall! Ladies and gentlemen, even better than this one!"

Thanks to the cameras, Peter got a front row seat of the hijinks in the student lounge. Edd and Plank were selling some sort of product; the same two who came out of the bathroom looking as if they were covering up a crime.

Peter decided it was time to have a talk with this Eddward Vincent.

* * *

><p>"<em>Eddward Vincent to the principal's office.<em>"

Edd had just finished up business in the bathroom when he heard his name called over the intercom. Oh no. Clearly, he was busted. He was going to jail. Edd shook his hand furiously, trying to keep from panicking. The principal probably doesn't know.

"Collect yourself, Eddward," he whispered to himself.

Sitting before the principal's desk, he was greeted by the not-too-thrilled faces of Principal Peter Barr and Superintendent Phillip Haas. This can't be good.

"So, you're the infamous Eddward Vincent," Peter said. "We haven't officially met yet. I'm Peter Barr, your beloved principal, and this is our superintendent, Mr. Haas, who made a special visit to meet you. Is it safe to assume you know why you're here?"

Edd remained composed. "Not exactly, Principal Barr."

Peter picked up a remote and turned on the TV behind him, revealing the fight video they'd been selling. Uh oh.

He paused the video as Phillip spoke up, "This might well be the most disturbing thing I've ever seen at this school. Peddling this kind of trash makes you reprehensible... Do you know what 'reprehensible' means?

"Of course, sir," Edd said.

"Do you understand what you did wrong?" Peter asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I do not." He wasn't lying. The money went toward a good cause.

"You don't? Okay. Well, you've got three days of suspension to think about it."

Edd nodded.

Peter didn't like playing the "bad guy" card, but when your boss is sitting next to you expecting punishment, there's really no avoiding it.


	11. UPDATE

Author's Note: AW GUYS THANKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES!

But actually it sucked mutant rabbits. HOWEVER, instead of boring you with the details on the bad parts of my birthday, here were the good parts:

1. I went to Pizza Hut and had that new bacon and cheese stuffed crust pizza FUCK IT WAS HEAVEN IN MY MOUTH

2. I saw my mom and got tons of presents, including a fab Marvel shirt

3. Adding on to that, I saw Guardians of the Galaxy. I wanted to see The Maze Runner but hey, at least it was good.

4. Adding on to that as well, I got some rocking clothes. As well as the Marvel shirt, which I am wearing, I also got some skull tights and other rocking shit. Fabbity fabbity fab hehehe

AND NOW (FOR YOU PEOPLE WHO SKIPPED OVER MY LAME BIRTHDAY SUMMARY) HERE IS MY UPDATE!

Well, I've finished up The Cat's Meow, and now am starting my newest project: a Rock Me, Baby sequel! So for those of you who looooved RMB, there you are. I also redid the final chapter so that's a plus. This story should be expected to be twenty-something or more pages because yes.

Into Fictionpress, Let Me Breathe is steadily moving (AND BREAKING MY HEART AS I WRITE IT BECAUSE I'VE HAD SO MANY SAD UPDATES SORRYNOTSORRY). Also, I'm am starting a new story called Fever Dreams about a brainiac narcissist named Ethan and a cute, shy piece of jailbait named Silas. I love the name Silas, don't you? Anyway! I might have them make appearances in the Rock Me, Baby sequel but who knows. GO CHECK OUT FEVER DREAMS ON MY FICTIONPRESS.

Okay that is all. BYE GUYS!


	12. Chapter 11

Author's Note: This chapter is short, I know, but it's nice and fluffy at least! :)

Chapter 11

"Hey, what's up?"

Kevin had been strolling along the shops when he noticed Edd Vincent calling to him from his fancy-dancy limo. The redhead grinned, as he always did when he saw that cute face.

"Hey, aren't you suspended?" he asked.

Edd nodded. "I am."

"Nice."

"Hey, do you wanna hang out?"

"Sure."

"Cool," Edd said, opening the door. "Come inside."

"Thanks."

"Do you want to spend an evening at Chateau Vincent?"

Kevin smiled sidelong at Edd. "Why not."

"Thomas, Chateau Vincent, please," he instructed the driver.

* * *

><p>Pulling into the grounds of the Vincent home was a real trip for Kevin. He grew up in a middle-class house, so he'd never been inside a house as refined as this.<p>

"Is this technically considered a mansion?" Kevin asked, tracing his fingers along the piano in the sitting room.

Edd grinned as the two sat on the bench. "My mother refers to it as 'The Estate.'"

Kevin snorted. "Oh. La-di-da." He flipped the pages of the sheet music until he came across a song; one which happened to be the one his mother sang to him when he was young. "Can you play this one?"

Edd nodded, doing a major scale up the keys to warm up. Or show off, as Kevin thought with a chuckle. Both boys began to sing, Edd taking the higher harmony, Kevin taking the lower.

_"Well, if you want to sing out, sing out _

_And if you want to be free, be free _

_'Cause there's a million things to be _

_You know that there are _

_And if you want to live high, live high _

_And if you wanna live low, live low..."_

Edd stopped playing when he realized Kevin was staring at him, the two seeming to gravitate towards each other. Lips inches apart, both flinched when soprano tones reached their ears.

_"You can do what you want _

_The opportunity's on _

_And if you find a new way _

_You can do it today."_

Leave it to a mother to ruin a mood.

"Hello, Mother," Edd greeted, trying not to blush. "Mother, this is Kevin. Kevin, this is my mother, Miranda."

The woman smiled. "It's such a pleasure to meet you, Kevin."

"Yeah, you too, Miranda."

Miranda could tell when she was being intrusive. Still, Edd had never brought a friend home. She'd been curious is all. She offered a small wave to the redhead, and took her leave.

Kevin broke the silence. "She seems very nice."

Edd cleared his throat. "She is."

"Do I get to meet your dad, too?"

The nerd pursed his lips and looked out the far window. "No, he's actually not with us anymore."

Kevin blinked. Sympathy wasn't exactly his strong suit. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. He was a CIA agent, you know. He survived Somalia, Yugoslavia, Iraq. Finally, he came home. Our favorite thing to do together while I was growing up was to get ice cream. So, one day, I was just sitting around and I heard the ice cream truck outside. It always played the same melody, Yankee Doodle. Long-story-short, he ran out to stop the truck; it drove right over him and killed him instantly." He made a SMACK sound with his palms, making Kevin flinch.

He gave Edd a pointed look. "Are you fucking with me?"

Without skipping a beat, Edd began to play and sing, "_Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony, stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni!_"

Kevin, who was currently trying to stop cracking up at the scene unfolding, gave Edd some light applause. "Bravo," he said in an English accent. "Really."

"Thank you," Edd reciprocated in an overly-dramatic English accent. "You're too kind. Really."

The redhead rolled his eyes, and snatched up one of Edd's hands, gently planting a kiss on his knuckles. The nerd's face heated up.

Kevin grinned. "How about you play me another, Frankie-boy?"

With a small smile, Edd obliged.


	13. Chapter 12

Author's Note: Whew, what a week. Three tests last week and another in a couple days. That's why I've been a bit scarce. On the bright side, I found a ten-dollar bill in my classroom copy of The Scarlet Letter! What luck! (Whoever left that in the book in SOL now XD)

Chapter 12

Peter doesn't always drink at home. Sometimes he goes to the bar. This usually only happens when he needs the comfort of another human, though. And this results in either a nice conversation with a friendly bartender or a one-night-stand with an easy woman.

"How you doing, Pete?"

Peter paused mid-drink, and looked up to see who'd greeted him. "Hi, Andy."

Andy Powell had been one of his best friends in high school. They weren't as close as they were, but hadn't exactly drifted apart either. He was a police officer, and seeing him wasn't too surprising. Often, his friendship with Andy kept Kevin from misdemeanors, to be honest.

Andy sat on the stool next to him. "What's going on? How you been?"

Peter shrugged. "Can't complain." That was a lie. He had plenty to complain about. He just wasn't one to burden others with his feelings.

"Listen, Pete, do you know this Eddward Vincent kid?"

Oh, how he'd come to loathe that name. "A bit. Why do you ask?"

"You're not gonna like it..."

* * *

><p>It was a regular Wednesday night for Kevin. In fact, it was probably a regular night for any teenager. He was texting one of his friends, listening to music, and watching TV with subtitles. Multi-tasking like a boss.<p>

Banging on his door made him jump, and he yelled for whoever was rudely interrupting his downtime to come in. It was his dad, who did not look pleased.

"Shut down this power grid, right now!" he demanded.

Raising an eyebrow, Kevin went to work turning things off and gave his father his full attention. Peter wasn't too nice when he was angry, and Kevin knew this for a fact. At least he doesn't appear drunk. Or rather, stupidly drunk. He seems to be at least a little drunk all the time.

"Are you seeing a boy named Eddward Vincent?" Peter asked rhetorically.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Well, if you know I am, why are you asking?"

"I didn't know, but now I do. You're gay? Seriously?"

"Yup. That a problem, Pops?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I'd say that's a problem. I could probably get over it if you were...dating...a different boy but it had to be that Vincent kid? He's a delinquent! Fuck, I feel like I have a daughter right now!"

"If it makes you feel better, I'm the man in the relationship."

Peter ran a hand down his face. "It really doesn't, to be honest with you. What does he want?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Do you expect me to qualify that with an answer? Be really careful right now. I'm not kidding. I met this kid. I was a teenage boy once..."

"But you're straight."

"It's the same concept!"

"Y'know, I'd understand if you were drunk, Dad, because you're acting like a fucking idiot right now."

"Watch your mouth, kid. I bet he just wants to parade around the school bragging about how he..." Peter trailed off.

Kevin chuckled bitterly. "How he what, Dad? Lay it on me."

The father couldn't deal with this conversation. "You know."

But the son wanted to hear him say it. "How he _what_, Dad?"

"How he... With the principal's son."

And that's how Peter ended up with a door slammed in his face. This resulted in him sitting in his office with a bottle of Jack Daniels. He was due for a bit of reflection time.

_My son's gay?_ he thought. _How could this have gotten past me? Have we really drifted apart so far. I'm a pretty shitty father. I think I need another bottle._

* * *

><p>"Time to get up, Eddward."<p>

Edd wiped his eyes, looking up at his mother groggily. "I have nothing on the agenda today, Mother. I'm suspended."

Miranda pursed her lips. "I am aware of that... Come on. Get dressed. We're visiting your father today."

In response, Edd pulled his covers over his head. Edd didn't want to see his father. He didn't want to face him, not yet. But occasionally, Miranda would take him for a visit. By this time, they'd worked up a routine.

A little while later, the limo came to a stop outside Lundgren State Penitentiary. Edd's heart was pounding. He wasn't going in there.

Miranda seemed to sense this. "Come in when you're ready, darling."

And just like that, he was alone.

His father had gone to prison for tax fraud. Doesn't seem that bad, right? Well, it isn't. Not like it's a life sentence or anything. Still, when the police come into your home and take your dad away, that's pretty traumatizing for a twelve-year-old.

That's probably where Edd's rebellious streak come from. He hadn't started acting out until then. Edd doesn't see his antics as acting out, though. Half of what he does is in the interest of gaining friends. It's not a crime to want to be liked, is it? The other half is to help people. That isn't a crime either.

It's just that his methods are normally illegal. That's probably the issue, right?

Anyway, Edd had never once gone inside during one of these visits. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't know what to say or do. Was he supposed to pretend everything was normal? Normalcy is not a "Day With Daddy" in prison.

Therefore, he just avoids the situation altogether. Then he sits alone in the car feeling guilty for about thirty minutes. And finally, his mother returns.

"Was Father worried?" Edd asked.

Miranda shook her head. "Not at all. He says, whatever's going on with you, he's sure you're going to work it out."

The nerd fidgeted with his hands in his lap. "That would be what he usually says."

Miranda smiled reassuringly, and looked out the window as they drove away.


	14. Chapter 13

Author's Note: Man, I've been getting so lazy with updates. Ugghhhh sorrrryyyyy guyyyysss. Don't worry, though, I'll try to churn out extra updates this week if my work load isn't too much. Remember: Favorite, follow, review, and share this story and my others with your friends :) Love you guys!

If you haven't already, go check out the Rock Me, Baby sequel. And if you haven't read the first one, check that one out first. I mean, duh, right? Haha

Chapter 13

The last thing Edd wanted to do on his morning back to school was sit in Principal Barr's office watching him look over papers. Especially considering he wouldn't stop tapping his freaking pen. And the papers he was looking over happened to be Edd's permanent record.

"Boy, time flies," the principal said, finally. "How was your 72-hour meditation?"

"Very enlightening," Edd said with a smile. "I am proud to say I'm _completely_ rehabilitated."

Peter closed the file. "Very interesting resume, Eddward. Is there a private school you _haven't_ been kicked out of?"

_Oh, so we're playing that game._ "Why? Are you checking up on me?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Sorry."

"Principals have access to academic records. As you know, I'm the principal, and as principal I will do my best to help you graduate with what you will need to survive in the world."

Edd nodded.

He continued, leaning back in his chair. "But I'm not always the principal. Sometimes I'm other things."

"Really? Like what?"

"Like Kevin's father."

_There it is._ "Oh."

"Don't worry, Eddward, I'm not gonna call you into my office and have one of those intimidating father-boyfriend talks, especially over my son's gay relationship, which still makes me uncomfortable. I'm not that kind of dad."

"Well, thank you."

"Because if I were one of those dads, I'd probably say how my job is a distant second to my son, and so help me God, if you get out of line, I will take a massive steaming dump on your homosexual life.

Edd just sat there in silence, mouth open slightly looking for something to say.

The fact that he had the kid scared made Peter happy. He folded his arms behind his head, and ended the meeting with a, "Good to have you back."

* * *

><p>Plank was scribbling on the bathroom mirror, when Kevin walked in. Most people didn't bother greeting him, but...<p>

Kevin waved. "Hey, Plank."

...it was always nice when someone wasn't afraid of treating him like a human-being. "Hey."

Edd perked up from his stall. He recognized that gruff voice, but it couldn't be.

"Hey there, doctor," Kevin said, sitting in the adjacent stall.

Edd grinned. "Hello."

"So, how does this work?" Kevin asked. "Do I just talk, or... Does Plank listen?"

"He is bound by a confidentiality agreement," Edd assured. "However, he can leave if you so desire."

Kevin scuffed his shoes on the floor nervously. "Yeah, maybe just for this first time."

"I apologize, Plank."

The giant rolled his eyes and made his way to the door. "Yeah, yeah, I heard you. It's not like I'm your _fucking business partner_."

"So, what did my pops want?" Kevin asked, lighting a cigarette.

Edd didn't really want to go into detail about that. "He merely wished to welcome me back."

"He didn't say anything about me hanging out with you?"

"Not particularly."

Kevin bit his lip. "Maybe the way to do this is to ask a question."

"What question?"

Kevin chuckled. "Edd, I don't know. _You're_ the professional."

"Ah yes. Well, I suppose the obvious question would be 'how do you feel about your father?'"

"You mean, besides the fact that this stupid job turned him into an alcoholic?"

"How do you feel about that?"

"I think it actually bothers him more than me, to be honest. But there was _the night_."

"Oh? What is '_the night_?'"

"The night he found out my mom was having an affair. He was _plastered_, waving this .38 revolver around, threatening to kill himself."

Edd didn't see that coming. "Goodness. So, your mother left but you chose to stay with your father, correct?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Well, he promised to get rid of the gun, and then he went into treatment for a while. And then, for whatever reason, he decided he was into model planes. Sometimes he flies them out by the pool when he's stressed out. A coping mechanism, y'know? It's like someone said, 'Hey, you, you're crazy. Chill out and get a hobby.'"

"Kevin."

"Yes?"

"I'm still waiting for you to tell me how you feel about your father."

"Ah. You're tough. I guess what I'm trying to say is it just... It kind of sucks having one parent ditch and then the other one lose their mind. I mean, how can I possibly hope to turn out even remotely functional?" Kevin grinned somberly.

Edd looked down at his lap. He knew this feeling. "That is true, I suppose."

"Well, I kind of do feel better."

"I'm glad."

"Well, thanks for listening, doc."

"Anytime, Kevin."

Kevin put out his cigarette on the tile floor and listened to the sound of the stall door next to him open. He followed, finding Edd looking at himself in the mirror over the sink.

"Hey, um, Edd?"

Edd turned to find Kevin approaching him. Strong hands encircled his waist, pressing him gently against the sink, and soft lips captured his in a searing kiss. The nerd's eyes widened for a moment. _He'd never been kissed before._

Kevin realized he wasn't kissing back, and broke the kiss. "Uh, Edd?"

The raven swallowed. "Yes?"

The redhead grinned. "You need to kiss back, babe."

Edd blushed. "Ah, yes. I, uh, forgot. I'm sorry."

Lips were against his again, and he tried to mimic the movements. Kevin smiled into the kiss a little as Edd timidly kissed him back. Once they fell into a rhythm, the redhead trailed his tongue across Edd's lip, asking for entrance which was instantly granted.

Kevin had daydreamed about this moment since he met Edd, and hell, it was worth the wait. With his hands on Edd's waist, and the nerd's thin fingers in his hair, he'd never loved life more.

The two pulled away, still holding each other and smiling fondly. They stayed this way until Plank came in to remind Edd that he had more appointments.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

It was a regular lunch period. Well, at least until Plank came sauntering across the courtyard with his leather jacket in his hand rather than on his back.

Peter was reading when he noticed something strange happening in the quad camera. Plank threw his leather jacket over the lens, causing Peter to lean in and wonder what the hell was going on.

He removed his glasses. "Hey!"

Meanwhile, Plank had hopped up onto a table. "Listen up." Everyone gave him their attention, mostly out of fear. Being the school bully does that. "All right, due to the booming economy of our fine school, Dr. Edd Vincent here invites you all to a private party at the Drive-In Club, which will be the most raging party in the history of Peach Creek!"

Edd hadn't planned this. It was all Plank's idea. Although, you could call him an accessory; he had this habit of enabling, especially when it came to Plank.

Everyone cheered, chanting Edd's name. To the nerd doctor, it was delightful. He wasn't used to such praise. For that matter, he wasn't used to being the host of a school-wide rager. He looked at Kevin sitting next to him, and leaned in to kiss him on the lips.

Things were great for Edd and getting better.

* * *

><p>The Drive-In Club was filled to the brim with sweaty, lusty, drugged-up teenagers. Holy hell, what a success.<p>

The room was absolutely bumping. Couples were close on the dance floor, but none were closer than Nat and Rave, which surprised everyone considering the two had been at each other's throat since high school began.

Nat was pulling the actor against his front, Rave swaying them from side-to-side, seeming to be guiding the pair via a leg he had placed precariously between the teal head's. His arms were draped atop Nat's shoulders; he seemed almost blissful, but it was probably just the alcohol. The teal head was clinging to Rave, arms doing their best to wrap around the other's torso as tight as they could. Their clothed erections were brushing more-and-more with each movement until it was becoming unbearable.

And suddenly, Rave was leading Nat quickly out the door.

Edd watched the whole scene from a balcony above the floor. He smiled, marveling at all the people who were here for him. They'd really pulled out all the stops; there was a band, dancers, lights, special effects, and even utilized the projectors included in the club. It wasn't called the "Drive-In" Club for nothing.

Plank appeared beside him. "Rolf Svorta wants a minute with you, dude."

"Is it crucial that I speak with him? I was hoping to enjoy this." Edd gestured to the floor.

"The doc is never off the clock." He smirked at his own joke.

"Very well."

Deciding to play around with Plank a little, Edd started dancing around him in a silly fashion. The giant raised an eyebrow, then rolled his eyes and began to dance a little himself. Then he decided he'd look stupid, and went off in the other direction. The nerd just laughed to himself and went looking for Rolf.

The thing about Rolf was that he was a foreign exchange student whose English was a bit difficult to understand at times. They'd met a couple times through Kevin, who was not only in drama club but also the captain of the football team. If that isn't contradictory, I don't know what is.

But we're getting off topic here. Rolf is the running back; having long legs gave him an advantage, he's very quick. Still, trying to listen to him speak has its challenges. To reiterate, his English isn't all that good. He lives with his "Nana," whose English is nonexistent, so there's not exactly room for improvement.

"Rolf is sick of this ninny game of chasing the turnip called football," he babbled. "Rolf has no desire to partake of this after the school of high."

Edd nodded, at least understanding the gist of that. "What do you wish to do, then?"

"Do not make with the jollies, but Rolf would like to visit Paris to study the smearing of color on canvas."

The nerd raised an eyebrow. "You mean painting?"

"Is that not what Rolf said?"

"That's admirable. Have you mentioned this to your Nana?

"Oh ho ho. Nana would bury the yak if Rolf messed up his future life by quitting what Rolf was brought here to do. And then she would bury the Rolf for asking to paint, as you, the Edd-boy, called it."

"Surely, she'd listen if you explained everything to her."

"Nana only listens with her ear holes to half the dribble Rolf spews. Is there a word in your tongue for that?"

"Menopause."

Edd laughed, but Rolf didn't get the joke.

"Make not with the jokes and give Rolf advice, Doctor-Edd-boy."

"Right. Well, I believe one of our duties as adolescents is to occasionally give our caregivers a hard time. Don't be afraid to speak your mind."

"Ah yes. Thank you, Edd-boy."

Rolf made his way onto the dance floor, leaving Edd at the counter. He wasn't alone for long when Plank came up behind him, having listened to the whole conversation.

"I think Rolf Svorta may be a..." Plank gestured with his hand as if to say "a little gay."

As a homosexual himself, Edd found this judgment to be slightly offensive. "I believe you're jealous because you lack artistic ambition."

Plank grimaced. "Fuck you, dude. In fifth grade, I played Linus in 'You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown.' And I was good."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"My, my. I wasn't aware."

"If I'm jealous, _if_, it's because only guys like Rolf can get any girl they want."

Edd glanced out at the dance, noticing Rolf clinging to Nazz Kelly.

"You desire Nazz Kelly?"

"No. I was thinking more along the lines of your buddy Marie."

Said blue head was perched atop a table swaying to the music with a beer in her hand. She wore a black, sleeveless crop top and tiny grey jean shorts, the outfit topped off with metallic black combat boots. Her usual trench coat was nowhere to be found, which was odd because she rarely went anywhere without it.

"I'm not sure you could handle her. She's a very strong personality. Maybe if you clean up a little..."

Plank scoffed, glancing down at his clothes. "Not in this life."

Edd smirked, and decided to change the subject. "So, why did you cease involvement in the school play?"

The giant shrugged. "I kept getting my ass kicked by people like me."

The nerd smiled, surprised he'd gotten this confession out of the bully. "Plank, we should have conversations like this more often."

Plank rolled his eyes. "Oh, bite me."

"Edd!"

Both heads snapped to Kevin, who was making his way through the crowd. Plank took that as his cue to leave as the redhead leaned across the counter. Edd leaned on it as well, placing a kiss on his boyfriend's lips.

"Finally found you," Kevin grinned. "I've got something to show you."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

The redhead's grin became devious. "Well, doc, I figure it's time you step into my_ office_."

Edd returned the grin, and came out from behind the bar counter, allowing Kevin to lead him away up the stairs.

Author's Note: Cliffhanger? Cliffhanger :3


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Above the club floor is a small screening room with a car called "The Screening Room". The purpose of this is to have a drive-in movie effect, hence the name of the club. Kevin led Edd inside, and opened the car door for him.

"My, what a gentleman you are, Kevin," Edd commented, stepping in.

The redhead climbed in beside him, and the two sat awkwardly for a couple seconds, until Kevin brought up the nerve to put his arm around Edd. The nerd snuggled close, breathing in his boyfriend's scent.

"So, why have you brought me here?" Edd asked after a while.

"I thought I'd ask you some questions," Kevin explained. "And if you tell the truth like a good little nerd, you'll be rewarded."

"Alright."

"Here's the first one. It's a little selfish, but yeah. Are you into me just because my dad's the principal?"

"Of course not. Why would you ask such a thing?"

"Because you seem to get a kick out of getting into trouble."

Edd gaped. "I most certainly do not!"

"Uh huh."

"Still, I fell for you as soon as I first laid eyes upon you. I was completely unaware of your father's occupation."

Kevin smiled, tilted Edd's head up, and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Was that my reward?" Edd asked, licking his lips.

The redhead nodded.

The nerd shifted nervously in his seat. "May I have the next question please?"

Kevin chuckled. "Eager, are we? Okay, what's the _real_ deal with your dad? I know he didn't get hit by a fucking ice cream truck."

Edd's face fell. "Does that really have to be the next question?"

"Harder the question, better the reward, babe."

The nerd sighed. "He's in prison. My mother became depressed when he was arrested. So, when he was released on bail, he took me out for ice cream and told me that it was my responsibility to care for her. I promised him I would. I've been caring for her ever since."

"So who takes care of you?"

Edd was silent. No one took care of him. He looked after himself.

Kevin noticed he'd struck a sensitive subject, and decided he could remedy it with a kiss. The kiss was deeper; Edd allowed the redhead's tongue access into his mouth. Mouths molded, arms embraced, breathing became shallow with the heat.

"Kevin," Edd said, interrupting the kiss. "I've never done this before."

Kevin smiled. "I'm glad."

Edd giggled, and recaptured his boyfriend's lips. After a moment, Kevin broke the kiss himself to remove his shirt, all the while wishing for their lips to meet again. Edd's taste was beginning to fade; oddly enough, he tasted of peach, banana, and a hint of mint.

Edd followed Kevin's lead, taking off his shirt as well. The redhead planted a kiss on his lips again, then kissed down his throat, his chest, around his navel, until he reached his desired destination. He undid Edd's pants, pulling his boxers off with them. He noticed the nerd shake with anticipation, and grinned, giving a long lick to Edd's erection.

The raven gasped, and gripped Kevin's shoulder, which the redhead took as encouragement. Taking Edd's cock into his mouth, his eyes trained on the nerd's face to note reactions. He felt a tinge of pride seeing the other's head thrown back in a low moan.

Edd yanked Kevin's hair, willing him back up into a kiss. He nervously undid Kevin's pants and slid them down, the redhead aiding him in the removal. The redhead sat back, letting the raven straddle his hips. Their lips reconnected, tongues dancing with more urgency than before. Edd yelped when Kevin rocked his hips forward, their nude erections rubbing together. Kevin couldn't take anymore.

Sensing this, Edd stuck two of his fingers in his mouth, sliding them down to his entrance and proceeding to prepare himself. Kevin bit his lip; watching Edd's mouth fall open in ecstasy as he prodded his own prostate was driving him insane.

Finally, Edd removed his own fingers. Kevin spat in his hand, coating his penis in saliva, and the nerd guided himself down onto it, trying his best not to stiffen as the thick cock entered him. The redhead placed feather-light kisses along Edd's jaw, willing him to relax. The raven sighed as his love traced soothing circles in the dip of his lower back.

Slowly, Edd began to rock his hips. Kevin hissed in pleasure, the hand tracing circles now wrapping around his back and holding Edd tightly against him. Pleasure washed over the raven, and he moved faster, leaning down to capture the redhead's lips once again, letting Kevin lead the passionate kiss as the two came closer to their climax.

"Kevin," Edd whispered. "I must t-tell you-ah!-I have never m-met anyone like you before."

Kevin's face fell against Edd's throat, and he groaned. "Me neither. Y-you I mean." He chuckled, kissing his boyfriend's neck.

Edd was struggling to form words, an odd concept for him. "I h-hope this is not too forward, b-but..."

The redhead spilled within Edd, gasping his name, which took the raven with him over the edge. He spilled onto their stomachs and slumped against his lover.

"Kevin, I love you," Edd whispered.

Wide-eyed, Kevin looked down at Edd. He was speechless for a moment, then smiled and let his eyes close. "I love you too, Edd."

The two sat in silence after that, leaning side-by-side in their underwear. Kevin lit a cigarette, and Edd fanned the smoke away from his face, coughing.

"That is very bad for you, Kevin," Edd scolded.

The redhead said nothing; he merely smiled and kissed Edd's cheek.

Edd got up, suddenly, leaving Kevin too cold for his liking.

"Where you going, babe?" Kevin asked.

"I shall return momentarily," Edd told him, grabbing his jacket and throwing it on as he hurried out onto the balcony.

"Oh jeez," Kevin muttered to himself. "What's he up to now?"

"How are you all tonight?" Edd called out to the floor below.

The room erupted in cheers, and he smiled. "My name is Eddward Vincent, and I am no longer a virgin!"

The cheers resumed, and Kevin laughed. "Oh my God, Edd, you crazy shit."


	17. Chapter 16

Author's Note: This chapter is heavily dialogue. It contains attempted suicide. You've been warned.

Chapter 16

Jim sat at his computer. As he typed, he eyed his pills. What he was planning to do was about to bring a drastic change; he was the catalyst about to pull Edd's head out of his ass.

"'_I can't think of any reason to stay on this planet,_'" he typed. "'_No one at school even knows my name. The idea of even making contact with another human being is like trying to defy gravity. There's just no point in being alive._'"

He picked up the pill bottle and poured the contents into his palm, looking down at them and considering what he was about to do. Quickly, he swallowed them all down, forcing the bitter lump down.

_This is it_, he thought.

* * *

><p>Peter showed up at Edd's house that day. Mansion? Limo? Driver? This kid's got it all. What is missing from his life to make him want to sell drugs?<p>

He entered, and sat down with Miranda, the woman calling her son down.

Edd, in his wool footy pajamas, sat in a chair across from the two, yawning.

"Eddward, listen to what Mr. Barr has to say," Miranda said.

"James Pollock overdosed on a handful of sedatives last night," Peter explained.

Edd's jaw dropped. "Is he alright?"

"He's gonna be fine. For the time being, he's bedridden in his home."

The nerd breathed a sigh of relief.

Peter continued. "And you might want to thank him later for not telling his parents where he got the drugs. If anyone could prove it was you, this would be a different story."

"Eddward, how could you do something like this?" his mother asked.

Edd looked at the ground. "What shall happen now?" he asked, wanting to avoid his mother's question.

"You tell me," Peter said. "If you can explain what you're doing, or better yet, why you're doing it, that would be a good start."

Edd sighed. It was time to tell the truth once and for all. "I am helping these adolescents. No one else is listening to them."

Peter raised an eyebrow. "I encourage you to listen all you like, but let's face it, you're not a professional."

"No," Miranda agreed.

The principal continued. "And these medications have a legitimate use. They've helped a lot of people. It's a generational thing. You know, teenagers always find a way to abuse something. And why not, right? Being zonked out of your mind is a lot more fun than dealing with your problems."

"Pardon me for asking, but are you speaking from experience or..."

Miranda stopped her son. "You know, that's not an appropriate question."

"That's okay," Peter assured. "Yeah, I sought treatment for some issues."

"You've stopped?" Edd asked.

"Got to the point where I felt I was ready to stop, so I did."

"How are you doing now?"

"Some days are better than others."

Edd didn't know why he thought it'd be a good idea to ask, but he did. "Would you like to discuss it with me sometime?"

"No, I would not like to discuss it." He exhaled through his nose. "Edd, come on. What are you doing this for?"

Edd shrugged. "I'm truly happy here. For the first time, everyone want to befriend me."

"There are more important things."

"I realize that. Everyone keeps telling me that, but you see, I am seventeen-years-old. Popularity is very important to me."

"Edd, there are more important things," Peter reiterated.

"Like what, for example?"

"Like what you do with that popularity." He paused. "Look, I've been around a while, you know, long enough to say this: What you do in this life matters."

And Edd knew he was right.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Edd went to visit Jim. Mr. Barr's words echoed in his head as he made his way up to the boy's room. He was going to make a difference in this life.<p>

He knocked, at let himself in. Jim looked up from the game he was playing, comfortably sitting propped up against some pillows.

"Hello, Jim," Edd said quietly.

"Hey, Edd," Jim said, equally as quiet.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I guess. They had to pump my stomach."

"How was that?"

"Pretty disgusting. But now I get to just play video games all day, so..."

"At least there's that silver lining," Edd pointed out, smiling soberly. "Are you still, um, suicidal?"

"Well, it's not like all my problems just went away."

"I suppose that makes sense."

Jim sighed. "Look, Edd, it's cool that you came by and everything, but there's really nothing that you can say that's going to make me feel any better."

"Nothing?" Edd asked. "Why is that?"

"No one knows I exist. The last time a girl spoke to me was in the third grade. I have no friends and I'm an idiot. You at least have friends. How would you possibly know what it's like?"

Oh, Edd knew just how that was. But he didn't say anything. "I believe you're missing the big picture."

"What big picture?"

"The universe."

"What about the universe?"

"Well, theoretically, the universe is infinite."

"Yeah, I know."

"Right. Therefore, there must be life on other planets. Perhaps not the form of life we are familiar with, but certainly you could more-than-likely find single-cell organisms, at least. But you see, that's my whole point. You could've been born a single-cell organism on the planet Zortex. In fact, given the odds, it's probably more likely. But you weren't. You were born a human being. And not just any human being in the history of human beings, but a human being that gets to be alive in this generation. You have the opportunity to listen to various genres of music, eat food from every culture, and download porn off the internet."

Jim laughed.

Edd smiled. "So, really, you have everything to live for. Does that make you feel better?"

"Not really."

"Ah. Well, I tried."

"Hey, do you want to play some Killzone?"

"I would love to."

The two played videogames in silence, until Jim finally mustered the nerve to ask:

"So, you're not selling drugs anymore?"

Edd shook his head. "I am not. I'm seeking new enterprises."

"Like what?"

"I'm not sure. Do you have any ideas?"

"You're talking to someone who can never get anything done. I've been trying to write a play, but, you know, no one wants to read any of it."

"Well, is it interesting?"

"I don't know. You can read it if you want to."

"I'd be honored."

And with that, Edd hit rock bottom, and then found something to better fill his time. All in the span of one day.


	18. Chapter 17

Author's Note: I know some of my updates are super late. Especially my Fictionpress ones. I've had a bit of a writer's block but it shall not hold me down. We'll get through this together guys!

Chapter 17

I'm sure I've mentioned this many times, but Peter really hates being principal. He hates the fact that he has to shoot down things that students are passionate about. Why do that? Well, one man's passion is another's...uh...inappropriate script?

Speaking of, Peter, who'd been reading Jim's play titled Hell Comes With Your Own Locker, set the script down and eyed the two boys before him.

"Nope. Sorry, guys, there's just no way."

"You failed to understand the concept-" Edd tried.

Peter silenced him. "I understood enough to know that it's a bad idea."

"Why?" the raven asked.

"By virtue of the fact that it's inappropriate. I'm not jazzed about taking the heat for you two having those kids doing _whatever_ they're doing in there."

"But it's true," Jim argued. "It has truth. It's about us and the way we see things."

Edd nodded. "Mr. Pollock's right. We'd like to see something like this portrayed here."

"Look, it may not be perfect, but Edd's gonna help me with it," Jim assured.

Peter raised an eyebrow. "Great. That really puts my mind at ease."

Edd leaned forward, removing his red tinted sunglasses. "Sir, I'm attempting to do the right thing. I believed that's what you wished for me to do."

"Yeah, I do, but does it have to be _this_ play?"

And here comes Jim with his guilt trip. "If it helps your decision, I'd be considerably less likely to end my life if you said yes."

Peter sighed. There's the checkmate. "You've got to get it through drama club."

The pair grinned, gathering their things and standing up.

"Thank you, Mr. Barr," Jim said.

"Yeah," Peter said stiffly.

"You won't be disappointed," the green head assured once again.

"Don't make me regret this," the principal muttered.

Edd and Jim walked down the hallway, turning a corner to ascend the stairs.

"So, what do we do now?" Jim asked.

Jim seemed to forget who Edd's boyfriend happened to be. "Well, don't fret about the drama club. I have that covered."

The two shook hands and parted ways. Edd continued up the stairs, and bumped right into the man he was looking for.

"Kevin, hello," Edd greeted. "I was just about to locate you, in fact."

The redhead smiled, and leaned down to kiss Edd. "And what can I do for my lovely boyfriend?"

"Jim has written a production," the nerd explained. "It's very good, in fact, and Mr. Barr has allowed it as long as I can push it through the drama club."

The bell rang, and Kevin put his arm around Edd's waist and guided them down the hall. "Well, uh, it's kinda risky to change plays on such short notice but if you have a copy of the script, me and Rave can go over it if you'd like."

"I would like that," the nerd said, smiling. "You're a good man, Kevin."

Kevin laughed. "Uh huh. You're lucky I like catering to your every whim, m'lady."

Edd's jaw dropped. "I am by no means a female!"

"Yeah, well, you're not exactly a dude either, so..."

Edd untangled himself from Kevin's hold, and pushed the script into his chest. "Oh hush. Honestly. I must get to class, but I shall text you, yes?"

"Sure. Love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

><p>The stall door flew open, Plank following Edd into the cramped space in a last ditch effort to stop the self-proclaimed doctor from doing what he was about to do.<p>

"Don't fucking argue with me!" Plank whined.

Edd didn't respond.

"Listen, I just wanna remind you how much this is worth!"

"I know," Edd said calmly, holding pill bottles in both his hands precariously over the toilet.

"Let me keep the Xanax," Plank reasoned.

"No," the raven said sternly. "Everything must go."

And the giant's heart stopped as pills of all shapes and colors were flushed down the toilet.

"Edd... You're a dick," was all he could say.

The nerd turned to Plank, reaching into his jacket for the pills he was hiding.

"No!" the bully protested, slapping desperately at Edd's hands. "No! _No!_"

"Plank, surrender the medication."

"No! No! _No, Edd! No! No!_"

The janitor's going to have a field day when he finds out the toilet is clogged with several different prescription meds.

Plank fell before the toilet, nearly in tears. "All the money...you flushed it. You son of a bitch."

Edd stood behind the giant, shaking his head. "Plank, you're being awfully dramatic over something as trivial as money."

"Says Richie Rich."

The nerd rolled his eyes, and yanked Plank up by his arm. "Follow me, good sir, we have something else to do."

"What are you going to do next?" Plank muttered bitterly. "Sell me into sex slavery?"

Edd and Plank made their way to the student lounge, where everyone was enjoying their free period. The bully garnered everyone's attention, and Kevin, who'd been on the couch in said lounge, lifted his boyfriend up onto a table.

Edd cleared his throat, and began his speech. "Excuse me, everyone. May I have your attention?" All eyes focused his way. "I have an announcement to make. Due to complications with the insurance companies, I will no longer be providing medication." Collective groans. That was to be expected. "I'm sure this will mean that a lot of you are done speaking to me and that's fine. However, for those of you that are still interested, I will be holding sessions in my office free of charge. Thank you."

Everyone went back to what they were doing, and Kevin offered a hand to Edd to help him get down from the table. The trio plopped down on the couch, soon joined by Marie, who squeezed herself between Plank and Edd. Not that the giant minded in the least.

"I'm one of those people not speaking to you," Plank said offhandedly.

Edd grinned, and just snuggled against Kevin, a strong arm draping across his shoulders. Well, hey. Even if Edd loses all of these so-called fair-weather friends who only seek to gain a buzz from him, he still has Kevin, Plank, and Marie. And Rave. And might as well count Nat.

Speaking of Nat and Rave, they're on a couch in the corner making out. To think, they hated each other not too long ago, and now they never come up for air.

"Hey Nat!" Kevin called to them. "Can you save the face swallowing for when you get home or something?"

"I'm good but it's nice of you to ask," Nat said absentmindedly, going back to his game of tonsil tennis.

Edd's thinking he should've sat outside and soaked up some sunshine...


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Despite the discontinuation of drug sales, there was still a long line of students at the boys' bathroom. Edd walked up, and grinned. Plank, who was on crowd control, just shrugged. Just goes to show you: Teenagers are always looking for a place to vent.

"Shall we begin?" Edd asked, opening the door for the first patron.

Edd had gone through his usual patients and a few new ones, but he was pretty surprised when a good friend of his took a seat in the adjacent stall.

"Hey, Edd."

"Hello, Marie. How are you?"

Marie had yet to seek advice from him, and Edd was pretty happy that chose today to come in and talk to him.

She lit a cigarette. "I don't know. Heard talking to you was the thing to do. I've yet to come see the doctor, so y'know."

The nerd smiled at the wall separating them. "Well, I believe you have something to discuss with me, but you're worried what I might think."

"Whatever Doctor Phil. Alright, look, I might have one issue. I do a lot of, um, sleeping around. Like, I just have sex with a shit load of guys 'cause they ask. It sounds that much worse saying it out loud, to be honest."

Outside the stall, Plank, who was listening in, gaped.

"I see. Well, are you infatuated with any of these boys?"

"Not really. I mean, I know they don't want to date me or whatever. But they try to sleep with me, and I don't want to say no to them."

"Well Marie, perhaps you should take things slower, understand? Enjoy yourself. There are many fine men at this school who would do anything to invite you to dinner and a movie."

"Heh. I doubt it, but humor me."

* * *

><p>Marie slid down the railing of her staircase, brushing her hair as she landed at the bottom. She pulled down her tight black dress, making sure that it wasn't riding up, and adjusted her leather jacket. She grabbed her Converse, and laced them on her feet. Just then, the doorbell rang.<p>

Meanwhile, Plank stood outside, bouncing on his heels. The giant was dressed in his usual garb, figuring that a girl like Marie wouldn't mind. He held a bouquet of flowers that he thought Marie would think were stupid, but he got them anyway because he wanted to be sweet. Really, he thought they were stupid as well.

The door opened, and he stood still. "Hey Marie."

She smiled nervously. "Hey Plank. You seriously brought flowers?"

"They're pretty lame, huh?" He looked away, and thrust them toward her.

Marie laughed. "Sure are. Listen, I've never been on a real date before."

"No problem. I've never been on a real date before either."

Just like that, the tension dissolved. Plank held his elbow out to the small girl, and she took it, letting him lead her to his car.

* * *

><p>It was Friday evening, an odd time to be holed up in the school's music room. Rave had some things to get done play-wise, and he knew Kevin was taking Edd on a date so might as well kill some of the workload. Little did he know, he'd be getting a visitor as well.<p>

"_If you wanna sing out, sing out,_" Rave sang. "_If you wanna be free, be free. There's a million things to be..._"

Another voice joined him just then. "_You know that there are._"

Rave's head turned toward the door. Nat stood, leaning against it with a smile on his face. "Don't stop on my account, sweetheart."

"Not now, Nat, I'm busy."

"Aw, don't be like that," the teal head said, approaching him. "You never have time for me anymore."

Rave scoffed. "Are you serious? With all the time we spend making out, I lose time I could be using to somehow change the entire fucking school play before April. So really, it's your fault I have to take time off of my Friday night to come in here and work my ass off."

Nat sat down across the actor's lap. "And yet you haven't complained in the slightest until now. What's the matter, baby? Don't you love me?"

The actor blushed beet red, banging a chord on the keys. "Damn, Nat, I mean... We don't talk we just make out all the time. I barely know anything about you"

The teal head smiled. "I was born in Manhattan, I was an extra on a credit card commercial by accident because I ran through the set while they were shooting, I hate hush puppies, I'm allergic to grapes, I'm afraid of owls, I've only had sex twice in my life despite my reputation, I live with my dad because my mom is a meth addict, I'm extremely interested in Greek, Roman, Egyptian, and Norse mythology, I like the feeling of walking on a sandy beach in bare feet, and anyone I went to camp with growing up could tell you why I'm called 'The Flying Shit Stain.' Your turn."

Rave laughed. "Alright. I was born in Olympia, I was put into foster care at about eight months old, I ended up here because a woman made a call to my foster mom asking for the youngest child they had, which was me at the time, I was home schooled until fifth grade, I'm missing three toenails because a golf cart ran over my foot, I can't stand spaghetti or cabbage, I'm secretly amazing at spelling, my favorite food is grilled cheese, and I'm creeped out by eagles. Is that what you wanted?"

Nat nodded. "Want to know one more thing?"

"Okay."

The teal head leaned in for a kiss. "I love you."

Rave's face turned red once again. "I love you too, Nat."

The two kissed again, and Nat broke it to lean his head against Rave's shoulder. The actor brought his hands up along either side of his lapdog, and decided to attempt to rehearse some songs.

"Rave?" Nat mumbled.

"Yes?"

"Can I see where you're missing your toenails?"

"Fuck no."

* * *

><p>After the date, Plank parked on the curb next to Marie's house. She undid her seatbelt, and bit her lip.<p>

"I had a lot of fun," she mumbled.

The giant grinned. "Me too."

"Does this mean we're...? Like, you and me, we're..."

"It can if you want. Do you, uh, wanna be my girlfriend? You can say no I can take it."

Marie laughed, and stole a kiss. "Yeah I'll be your girlfriend. But I don't do that sappy shit like giggling and cuddling. I might hold your hand, but don't count on it."

Plank chuckled. "I knew there was a reason why I liked you." This time he stole a kiss from her. "I'll drive you to school Monday morning, how's that sound?"

The blue head shrugged. "Yeah sure. See ya later, Plank."

Once Marie was inside, Plank bounced up and down in his seat, cheering and laughing.

After he calmed down a little, he put his car in drive, and muttered, "I owe Edd big time."


	20. Announcement

Due to a tragic spell of writer's block, I'll be taking a little time off. Next update will be on December 2nd. Thanks for your patience :)


	21. Chapter 19

Author's Note: Just as promised, here's my update. Somehow with my busy schedule I got all my updates done in one night. How's that for skill?

Chapter 19

Not surprisingly, the whole drama club jumped at the chance to be able to perform something real. Jim's script was a hit, driving some to tears because of the truth in it. There'd have to be some tweaks, but it was nothing they couldn't handle.

The day Hell Comes With Your Own Locker was passed through the drama club was the day Rave approached Edd. He'd been planning a protest since the day the school ruined the privacy of the school, and now that Edd was one of the most popular guys in school, the actor knew who to go to for an epic turnout.

Edd was seated backstage editing the play when Rave approached him.

"Hey Edd," the violet head greeted.

"Hello, Rave, what are you up to this fine day?" Edd asked cheerily.

Rave sat down across from him. "The board completely ignored the petition to get the cameras out of the lounge, so they've basically blown us off. Next thing you know, they'll put in metal detectors and start doing random locker searches. We have to do something. We need you."

The nerd pursed his lips. "I'm not sure that would be wise, Rave. I am already on thin ice with Principal Barr. If I were to stage a coup, he'd likely have me assassinated."

"We need to do something," Rave pressed.

"Rave, I support your righteous behavior and have no intention of stopping you, however, I simply cannot be affiliated with your protest. I urge you to understand my reasoning, considering the medication debacle."

The actor nodded. "I get it. Thanks anyway, Edd."

* * *

><p>Peter made his way across the campus, coffee and briefcase in tow. He was running a little late this morning as well as nursing a hangover, two things the secretary, Mrs. Allen, would no doubt reprimand him for. He was trying to hurry, balancing his belongings while also trying to tie his tie, when he noticed a disturbance.<p>

Nat and Rave were sitting outside the student lounge, both holding signs that read "Get the cameras out. This is a school, not a prison." and chanting just that. It kind of depressed Rave that only he and his ever-faithful boyfriend showed up. Still, it was better than nothing. Someone had to fight this.

Rave, aiming his megaphone in Mr. Barr's direction, began to pointedly chant their slogan once more.

Peter got the hint. "Thanks, I couldn't read the sign," he said cynically.

He turned to leave. Peter was slightly concerned, but two students a protest does not make. If no one else joins, there won't be a problem.

* * *

><p>Not surprisingly, many more students came to Rave's protest, much to the principal's chagrin. A steady stream of teens filed into the student lounge, rioting and waving the signs into the cameras. Eventually, as to be expected, Superintendent Haas showed up. He and the principal were really developing a dislike for one another; Peter couldn't seem to do his job, and Phillip couldn't seem to let Peter do his job.<p>

"Cameras, protests, insubordinate kids," Phillip said, pacing about Peter's office. "Would any of this have happened without Eddward Vincent? He's all I hear about these days. 'Eddward Vincent told my son this.' 'Eddward Vincent told my daughter to do that.' Our lives would be a whole lot easier if we just expelled him."

"You really think that's what he deserves?" Peter asked.

Phillip stopped mid-step, and looked at the principal. "Do yourself a favor. Don't get fired over this kid."

Peter really wanted to think it was that easy, but really it wasn't. He didn't want to deny anyone their education, not even Edd. Despite the grief the boy was putting him through, he couldn't overlook the fact that Edd was extremely intelligent and had good intentions. To expel him would be to ruin his future, and Peter couldn't fathom it if he drove the kid to live the life he did: Bitter, alone, and drinking himself to an early grave.

There had to be some other solution.

* * *

><p>Kevin and Edd sat together across the courtyard, watching the ever-expanding protest.<p>

"This is unprecedented," Edd said, in awe of the whole thing. "I believe cameras are an invasion of privacy, yet..." He sighed. "I can see your father's point of view on the matter as well."

"Since when do you care about what my dad thinks?" Kevin asked.

"Well, he's shown me consideration, and for that, I'm grateful," Edd explained.

The redhead nodded. "Yeah, you're right. He could've expelled you. He's really been sticking his neck out for you, not just because you and I are together. He sees something in you I guess."

Speak of the devil, Peter appeared on the scene just outside the courtyard with a megaphone. He had to disperse this display before they started setting fires or something. Phillip wanted his head and would jump at any chance to replace him.

"Attention, all dissenting students of Western Summit High School," he called. "You have two minutes to disperse. If you have not at that time, you will be suspended."

Rave laughed bitterly. "See, we have a right to be here. They can't kick all of us out."

Nat stepped up next to his boyfriend. "Stand together guys!"

Everyone cheered in response, and Rave leaned over to kiss the teal head's cheek.

"There has to be a better solution to reestablish peace," Edd pointed out thoughtfully. "Kevin, love, I would like you to go over there and tell everyone to leave and return tonight."

Kevin raised an eyebrow. "Why me?"

"Rave is one of your best friends, for one thing," the nerd explained. "He'll listen to you. Just as well, how would your father react if I was to walk over there?"

The redhead nodded, and pecked his boyfriend on the lips before approaching the mob.

Peter watched warily as his son spoke to the protestors, pointing at Edd as he did so. He locked eyes with the aforementioned, wondering what the boy's role was in this. It relieved him; the students were dispersing at last. However, it was a bit disheartening that they'd respect Edd over him. As if sensing this as well, the nerd shot him a sympathetic look. Peter just turned and walked away.


End file.
